5th Gear: Oh I guess Emperor Elon must have invested in Doge Coin for a quick flip.

He really genuinely seems like the best dude in Hollywood. Like, I’m not one for celebrity worship, but he seems like the kind of guy it would just be nice to hang out with.

Oh, good, Elon Musk is wildly manipulating markets again.

Lol thanks Rob. There’s probably a clutch around my office somewhere here...

Every time I see a nice, sporty car with a slushbox, I just get sad for the rest of the day. Like, why? Why would you waste that car?

If you go big enough, you buildings named after you.

Well this is the least David Tracy headline that I’ve ever seen.

Every picture of this looks like a screencap from a particularly shoddy PS2 game.

Because I don’t want to live in a world ruled over by technocratic oligarchs who are weirdly worshiped by their customers.

Well, this is a new and novel way to get killed in a vehicle rollover.

This is definitely how I feel about any serious business luxury car. If it’s not at least moderately sporty, you’re really not meant to drive it yourself, you’re supposed to be driven in it.

All of the problems of an old Mercedes and all the problems of a stretched custom frame?

Presumably the capitol of Imaginationland.

The whole time I was reading this piece, I was wondering who in their right mind would buy state fair donuts from an intensely shady looking ancient Accord, then I saw the car is listed for sale in Wisconsin. So that checks out.

Hot take over here.

No thanks. Rowling has burned so many bridges I won’t interact with anything Potter related until she’s dead in the ground, and even then, it’s all tainted in my eyes.

So apparently it only took until 8:35am EST to get today’s worst take on Jalopnik. Well done!

Losing money and calling it a success is kind of the whole crypto modus operandi, right?