We all know why.

The dude wildly manipulates the stock market without consequence. Martha Stewart went to prison for less, and she’s a rich white lady.

Elon Musk is just the tech bro version of Donald Trump at this point.

Well Teslas are still basically toys for rich people so this checks out, yeah.

I mean this honestly looks like pretty average Amazon package condition on  delivery, so I’m sure they’ll just throw these in another van and get them on porches tomorrow.

Yeah but tell me that wouldn’t make a really fucking rad shift knob.

The entire plot revolved around autism being a super power.

The last Predator movie was such an unbelievable trash fire. The premise for the this new one certainly sounds better, but I’m not going to get my hopes up.

Well now I want an Italian Beef.

Kyle Mooney’s particular brand of hammy over acting is just... not good.

Conservating mass.

Next week’s Torch article:

I mean I get the general idea of what you’re saying but horse drawn carriages can’t go 100 miles per hour and are substantially less likely to explode than automobiles.

It’s honestly wild to me that so many of you are okay with jumping from “Car needs to meet federal safety standards” to “It’s okay to be constantly monitored by cameras while driving.”

I’m all for preventing drunk driving, but fuck this kind of invasive nanny state technology. Apparently I’ll be driving a lot more vintage cars in the future, because I flatly refuse to drive a car that might suddenly decide I’m too tired because of the always on cameras monitoring my every move.

Gawker Splinter Gizmodo Local Commenters 152.

So when do we start getting paid a commission for writing all these daily listicles for Jalopnik?

It’s weird, it’s almost like purchasing decisions are subjective. Crazy idea, that.

Nope.