Locals proposed to sacrifice a virgin to the volcano, but for some reason Penn State didn't have any.

Jesus, pineapple?! The fuck is wrong with you guys! Put raspberry back at the top where it belongs.

Greg Oden predates the creation of American jurisprudence therefor all of your "laws" are ex post facto to him.

"Want bigotry? Just water it!"

9 times out of 10, when I crave Chic fil A it is a Sunday... it sucks.

Reverend: Donald thank you for joining us. Take a seat wherever you like.

Just 5 seconds, and you help make a change. It's unlikely, but it's better than nothing. I can't just sit here and watch all of this happen without doing something to change it, no matter how small that something is.

I had an Uncle Ray once, well I guess I still do. Anyway, he liked to drink and spout his mouth at anyone in earshot. Well, one night—and Uncle Ray is straight twisted, right—one night, he's in Atlantic City with his girl, and she's going on and on about how he doesn't know shit about Hold 'Em. Well you know what…

"Life is tough. You don't get a lot of chances. So sometimes you just have to shoot blindly and hope good things happen."

"Sometimes in life, you gotta go to the bathroom." -Ben Roethlisberger

"Sometimes in life, you get..."

"Sometimes in life, you get stabbing pains in your sides. That's probably just cramps from lack of potassium." - Ray Lewis

"Sometimes it feels like life shoots you in the heart. It's how you fill that void in your heart that shows your true character." - Aaron Hernandez

Seems awfully rude to cum on things that do not belong to you

The coroner ruled that he'd passed.

That's horrible to hear. I can't believe people are still vaccinating their children.

The lesson, as in life, is that one must shit/drink and drive/batter your wife or get off the pot.

Any Given Funyun

Forget About The Titans

The Malaysian Airlines-sponsored pool dunk is supposedly way better, but I can't find the video anywhere.