And we don’t want her...so maybe she can find a nice reality show to host or something.

Well, he’s dead, so you don’t have to worry about him anymore.

The BF was being an idiot, and my dad did not suffer fools.

The Green Tea Kit Kat is so lovely.

Marzipan is so terribly good.

Ha NO. Marzipan is my drug.

Yes! Woo hoo! More cake is always better!

Congratulations! I just have to share this beautiful cake I saw today - these are california poppies:

I’m a giver.

Oh god. I hate him already.

My now ex did this too (though he picked the pizza up). His argument was that his stepmom only served food from Costco (true), so bringing pizza really wasn’t doing anything different - it wasn’t like she slaved in the kitchen all day.

Upon first meeting, my BF asked in a stage whisper, about my father - in FRONT of my father - who had recently had eye surgery “Does he know there is only one lens in his sunglasses?”

If you can find me some grapefruit slices, I will be your friend.

who rewarded him for shooting the teen

Biscoff biscuits, duh.

A friend who worked at an airport said “People lose their damned minds as soon as they come through those doors.”

Try the Granton (Vermont) 7 year cheddar if you get the chance. It made me scream with joy.

I have an even more shocking opinion: I like my hummus kind of chunky. I am never going to get invited to bring food again, am I?

I do believe most hummus is improved by a handful of chopped jalapeños. See also: all my other food.

CULTURE OF LIFE, Y’ALL.