I read that meteor tweet and I was like, “WHOOOAAA my mind is blown” and then I was kind of sad that some twittering jackass celebrity could be so much smarter than I am, so I scrolled up to see who wrote it and saw that it was Neil deGrasse Tyson and then I didn’t feel like such a dummy anymore.

I can’t be around people who chew with their mouths open. Can’t do it.

She looks like a rattlesnake.

Is Chris D’Elia ever funny? In anything?

I can’t unsee it now.

This looks wicked uncomfortable.

Does Alessandra Ambrosio know what moods actually are?

Your mood of the day is like you’re laying across a bed of hot jagged rocks wearing only a sombrero and knee-high sandals?

i never even imagined the david letterman/kelsey grammer thing. FREAKY

Flat tires really shouldn’t waste more than 30ish minutes of your day, bud. The watermarking your flat tire selfie probably took longer.

I praise everything everyone has said on this post. That said, I see some hot photoshop mess, especially on Ava’s and Issa’s arms. What in the hale?

Contact the author at clover@jezebel.com.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who read that and was like “FUCK I HATE MY COUNTRY.”

He had been captured once before, revealed Lopez. “Indians in Peru had me tied up and buried in sand to my neck when they found what I had been doing to their daughters.”

The kids were taken in and raised by Jeanne Dixon (Reagan’s astrologer!) until her death, and THEN put into an orphanage., which I found to be another crazy layer to the tale. That Wikipedia page is insane.

Wow. Her old man really was a sick son of a bitch too. Refused custody of his own blood children when their mother died so that they went to an orphanage! HOLY SHIT.

I would say the apple doesn’t fall from the tree, but Vili’s skin is a little dark for her father’s tastes. Republican John Bircher, John G. Schmitz.

There was a part in the interview when she said something about not seeking him out, how she had caught him staring at her many times, and how he thought she looked like a movie star of something. And she says “I knew he was trouble” kind of giggling. Shades of Humbert Humbert, blaming the child.

I can’t stop thinking what the reaction would be if the interview was of a 53-year old man and his wife whom he repeatedly raped and impregnated starting at age 12...I’m guessing a lot more harsh?

Mary is working as a legal assistant but hopes she can return to teaching ... She is still registered as a sex offender, but is trying to get her name removed from the registry.