Sprinkles are for winners.

I read this post while enjoying a mug of holiday tea lightened with a liberal splash of lactose-free milk. I can't decide if this puts me ahead of the game, behind the game, or in a completely different game. A few years ago I had some weird dairy allergy that lasted for three months. I lost 20 pounds and looked kind…

I can barely countenance actual lettuce, and that shredded crap looks and tastes as appetizing as packing peanuts. Hard pass.

I kept waiting for somebody to make a movie where Josh Hartnett played the younger version of Tommy Lee Jones, but it never happened.

I don't order lettuce either when I get tacos, and everywhere (because I don't go to Taco Bell that often), I get looks like I've given them the weirdest possible order. I'm not allergic to lettuce, it just seems like a tasteless waste of time to me. But it's like, if I don't like lettuce, why am I even eating a…

Wishes for you and the little one to have a speedy recovery.

One friend likes guys who look soooo dirty to me. All I have to do is look around the bar and find the most unkempt man there, and chances are good that she's already giving him sex eyes. It's hilarious.

Lake Bell is the best.

My closest friends and I have decided that we get along so well because we all have such different taste in men. There's rarely any overlap. We all understand each other's types, but don't ourselves find those types of guys attractive. It makes going out pretty fun, and eliminates what I've seen to be a big source of…

Josh Hartnett has always looked exactly like Tommy Lee Jones to me, and Tommy Lee Jones has always been a million years old, so I can't find either of them attractive.

I've been denying it for years, but people will not drop the charade.

Jamie Dornan has been able to get it since the first season of Once Upon a Time. I just want to find a normal, not rich, not famous, not-married, serial monogamist who looks exactly like him. IS THAT SO WRONG?

I only tend to see her quoted in Dirt Bag, but she seems spot-on in almost all of the quotes I've read. I think that K Stew and I can be drinking buddies, as long as she doesn't expect me to watch her movies.

I saw her once in Central Park and it made my life.

Oh my god, I have never cared one way or the other about Bieber, but I hope he knows how to duck so that Naomi doesn't bean him with a phone whilst venting her displeasure at some plebe or another. Wasn't she dating some married Russian bazillionaire? I understand about stamina and his probable decades of earning…

I barely use facebook, but checked after seeing this post and Legacy Contact was in my settings.

I have greatly enjoyed her historical romances and was interested in seeing how her writing would translate to a contemporary setting. The verdict: I really, really liked this book. A lot. I read it when it first came out a couple of weeks ago, and am already planning to give it a reread. Several parts really stuck…

My toddler niece accidentally/perfectly remixed "We Are Never Getting Back Together" and "I Knew You Were Trouble" because even she realized that they're practically the same song.

The sad thing is that I didn't even question the wax museum part of the quote. It seemed to make as much sense as the Oval Office bit, considering the source. I don't dislike Christine Teigen, but she does say a fair amount of ridiculous things.

Is this vocal coach a real person whose existence has been confirmed, or just someone we all are guessing is real because of how noticeably improved Rihanna's voice has been over the last several months? Because if this is a real person, there are several other famous people (Katy Perry) who could (Katy Perry) really…