Well, shit. There goes my parenting book "Shame and Blame Your Way to a Well-Behaved Child."

My take-away from this piece in People magazine is that whoever wrote it is 1) eaten up with jealousy of Kate Upton and 2) terrible at throwing shade.

You're thinking of the comprehensive credit history - but that's not till the third date. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Should you make it through the initial screening process, please be prepared to submit:

It is passive-aggressive, isn't it?

My relatively fuck-free existence cane at a heavy cost of some seriously self-destructive years in my twenties and an unhealthy first marriage, so I'm afraid I don't have much wisdom beyond 'that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.'

How does this not have more stars?

You nailed it - all the reasonable "cool" stuff that happens within the household that has reasonable rules and boundaries gets lumped in with the psychotic bullshit perpetrated by people like this lady who had children but isn't a parent.

For serious. We need a designation to differentiate between "responsible cool parent" and "manic-pixie-dream-cool parent."

Oh, hai, are you me? I thought I was the cool mom because my teenage boys and I play video games together, watch stupid action movies and listen to the same rap music and when I gave them "the Talk", I let them know that there was a no-questions-asked supply of condoms in their bathroom.

Jesus Goddamn Christ, Erin, that was a raw, difficult, beautiful thing to read. Thank you.

It is rich, isn't it?

I would just like to add that Bob McDonnell wrote his master's thesis in 1989 on the importance of infusing Christian Republican family values into government.

Next on its agenda, the state of Texas will be prosecuting all those women who willfully miscarry and abandon potential fetuses every month by failing to be pregnant in the first place.

Ugh, it sounds like your ex was just like mine; open relationships are great, just as long as one half of that equation is purely theoretical.

It describes a fascist state.

Mmm, yeah. My ex-husband wanted an "open relationship." Turned out he just wanted a hall pass to have sex with other women, and veto power over anyone I was attracted to that he found "too threatening." (Basically, he 'gave' me permission to have sex with people he knew I wouldn't be remotely interested in to begin…

But man, Jeremy Weeks? Totally worth throwing away your career for. Would not even question. 10 out of 10. Would bang.

Nope, my first thought was "Comic Sans. Probably purple."

That gif is priceless.