Sure! Sorry I'm just now checking back in.

I don't believe in soul mates, as a concept or a descriptive term (because it's so fucking treacly), nor do I believe in The One Person You're Destined To Be With, because for real, there's a lot of people on this planet. You could probably make it work long term with at least a tenth of them.

See, as someone is a landlocked state, the idea of getting married on a coastal shore by a lighthouse or something sounds charming.

Oh Sweet Jesus, I want there to be a drag queen whose nomme de guerre is Dairy Queen, and who does a dishabille Marie-Antionette-as-a-milk-maid schtick, maybe with a gold milk pail and some torn fishnets. Can someone _please_ make this happen?!?

Resident of Oklahoma here, and I know no one who got married in a barn. I assume it's more of a Thing where barns are less common?

You should, I would read it!

You're right - I think it _was_ the '90's, I couldn't quite remember because I'm an Old.

Back a few years ago, when estrogen therapy was big for menopausal symptoms, wasn't there a lot of head-shaking about how women should just take St. John's Wort and age gracefully because side effects?

I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you, that a man with an obsession with significantly younger women prefers that they dress in a way that is completely unthreatening.

Agreed. I think the fact that there wasn't a follow-up hit after 'Blurred Lines' was telling. I vaguely recall that a second single was released from that album, but I could not tell you what it was.

"The video has been taken down."

No, I'm sorry. I must shut your project down. We cannot risk any more Kirk Cameron cultural exposure than has all ready occurred.

But really, I think even the Miley Cyrus thing would have blown over had he not been such a goddamned douchebag.

"Grandma was a BAMF" is the best sentence I will read all day.

Those kids are going to rebel so hard when they become teenagers. The eye-rolling tables, they will turn.

Right?! When and how did helicopter parents seize the moral high ground? How did this happen?

Well, I walked to and from school every day starting when I was six, so resplendent.mom is clearly a hardened criminal.

Exactly. Babies and toddlers consume so much of you, by necessity. And you love them and you're happy to do it, but I remember feeling horrible that my life was now dictated by a tiny, screaming tyrant that slept for two hours at a time _and_ I had huge-ass, ugly maternity underwear to cover a body that no longer felt…

This is super simple. All the kid has to do is go out and come home "early" one night, walk in the backyard and catch his parents in the act.