Exactly. And if you're going to do it with that look on your face like your mom is making you take the trash out, then don't do it at all.

Oh, Jesus - did we _all_ fuck this guy?! That would be _way_ more sex than he deserves. O.o

Drunk sex with hot blond college Republican who had obvious issues with giving oral. Ugh, college-age resplendent, why for you do that?!

Before I was diagnosed Bipolar 1, I went through a manic phase following a protracted depression where being an Attention Whore was a symptom of my illness.

O hai, are you me?

Not going to lie - at-home facial is a great use for leftover guacamole or strawberries that are too far gone to eat.

I drop 13-year-old eldest little resplendent bastard off at middle school on a regular basis. Eighth graders are essentially overgrown children made of awkward and body odor. I would worry far less about what the children themselves are wearing and more about keeping them away from dirty-minded adults who find them…

Lindy, you silly. Everyone knows that penises are magical wands of pleasure. Each one is a precious gift from God, and statistically speaking, well above average.

Also, be prepared for stuff you never expected to have a major impact on your relationship.

*Tell her you were thinking about her and Dad when you came across this really interesting article, then read her a list of actual Cosmo sex tips while staring pointedly at her.

I have shit in my past I would _never_ want dragged out in national media for all to see if I'd become an incidental part of a news story through no intention of my own. Have I changed and become a better person since then? Yes. It appears Charles Ramsey has as well. At the very least, his crimes are not active and…

"... sluttiness is agency and agency is threatening..."

Agreed. 'Ice cream and chick flick binges' and 'Horribly Misguided Post-Break-up Haircut' are also missing.

Can we include under Pros for Moving On 'That moment when you realize exactly how much of their bullshit you put up with, and wonder how you didn't see it before'?

Definitely - it's like they understand boobs _in theory_....

I assumed that a 'bra holster' would work on the same principal as a shoulder holster, but sized for a woman's proportions and compatible with a bra.

Depends. Is it a vegan, locally-sourced, artisanal, macrobiotic penis?

So the Obama administration is ignoring a judge's order and issuing an arbitrary cut-off age for women to buy Plan B?

Can we find this guy's roommate? Because I would bet so much money that Dean Saxton locks himself in the bathroom and violently masturbates to scat porn while crying at least twice a week.

So wait... you're telling me Ashley Madison users might be cheap and tacky...?