Gareon, my Raidered son
You’ll be kneed when you are down
Lay your weary head to rest
You’re going on I.R.

And I looked back and saw only one set of footprints in the sand, and I asked God, “Why, when I needed you most, why did you abandon me?” God replied, “No, Antonio, it was then that I carried you. Because you cryogenically froze your fucking feet. This was one month ago! How do you not remember this?”

It’s surreal. The Raiders got literally nothing for 2 picks.

The fact that the Patriots getting Antonia Brown from Steelers ended up costing a third and a fifth round pick... from Raiders who got nothing in the end continues to both baffle me and be utterly hilarious.

“The RunaBrownd. We’ve seen it. We’ve covered it.”

Everyone involved in this saga on both the Steelers and the Raiders feels like a character in a Christopher Guest movie.

Funny, he’s also known as the only guy who can prevent another Giants Super Bowl victory.

And the only thing that can prevent another Patriots Super Bowl victory? This man:

And like that, the laughs of a million Steelers fans were suddenly silenced.

It’s too bad. Brown seemed to really want to be on the Raiders, but ultimately he just got cold feet.

Now he’ll sign with the goddamn Patriots and we all won’t be laughing anymore.

You eat your subjects? 

I will turn 12 eggs into 24 deviled egg halves and be excited that I have some quick, delicious snacks that will serve as a healthier alternative to pretzels or chips over the next couple days, but by the next morning I will have an empty fridge and smell like a sulfur mine.

Add Randy Moss to your list, going from half-assing it in Oakland to rewriting the record books as soon as he got to Foxboro.

Gruden being Pennywise the whole time makes a lot of sense

you were/are a good dad and she was lucky to have you.

Your dog was a good dog.

I didn’t go on family trips the last couple years because we had an old dog with health issues. We weren’t going to put her in a kennel and I didn’t feel comfortable having a dog sitter, so I stayed home to take care of our little one.

That Grandpa email of the week was fucking fantastic.

Just wait for the first AFC East predictions after Belichek/Brady retire/die in a firey and suspicious car crash.