I am on a cooking spree:

Ornette Colman was next level before there was a term next level. HE WAS THE REASON WHY WE NEEDED THE TERM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

It’s from an absolute tour-de-force of an “advice” column/video Madeleine did here a couple months ago. Or a few weeks? Many weeks. Wait, that would be months. I’m not even drinking yet.

PS Diseño Malbec is BOSS and it’s only like twelve bucks at the grocery store.

My ex-girlfriend made pasta and was grating what she thought was parmesan cheese on top. It was only after we started to eat the pasta did we learn that she had grated white chocolate leftover from Easter. The fact that this block of “cheese” was in the shape of a headless rabbit apparently escaped her notice.

I had a spacey friend in high school who had gone to an Italian restaurant and been served bread and olive oil for the first time. She became obsessed with it, and one night we were at another friends house and she came down the stairs eating the very same concoction, or so we thought. Upon entering the kitchen, I…

Once at my cousin’s wedding, after a few beers during the cocktail hour, I made my way over to a bowl of what I thought were Wasabi peanuts. After popping a couple in my mouth, I realized it was a bowl for Olive pits. Awesome. Killed all the germs with copious amounts of alcohol.

My older brother (we were both teens) once reheated and ate a two-cup microwaveable container of what he thought was mashed potatoes and gravy, only to discover afterward that it was just gravy. He had diarrhea for several days and I laughed at him. It’s not as funny now that I see it written.

One of my best friends in high school was Romanian. His family emigrated when he was 9, just before the revolution.

I love me a good pair of tongs that make that satisfying clicking noise when you click them a few times before you actually use them.

I love me a good pair of tongs that make that satisfying clicking noise when you click them a few times before you…

This is far from justice. Being arrested royally fucks your life up, even if the charges are dropped. For the rest of this guy’s life, a quick google search on his name will turn up this arrest. Even if the records are expunged, and the public record is completely wiped clean of the offense, there are hundreds of…

Not sure which beating was worse: the one he laid on the MSU players or the one he laid on the English language.

A bit ot, sorry for that. But I'm just wondering who remembers their first watch. Mine was a Timex, from my mom one Christmas. It was a winder, and that maybe says something about my age. But I was SO ****ING proud of it. It was my first real adult watch, unlike the toys I'd see in the kids' section at one of our…

A bit ot, sorry for that. But I'm just wondering who remembers their first watch. Mine was a Timex, from my mom one…

Snoop Dogg on:

Wikipedia says: "The stand collapsed, injuring 29 people, however, no people were killed. Dr. Vicente Alvarez, a freelance photographer from Argentina, was one of two on the stand who were seriously injured. Alvarez survived, and died in the late 1990s. Tony Hulman suffered a sprained ankle, and a shaken Schenkle…

Gotta appreciate the commitment to completely spell out the name of every school that didn't come pre-abbreviated on the form.

Translation: "Jay Glazer sucks my cock on the reg." - Richie Incognito

Here's a satellite image showing where the stadium will go:

Paulie's actually on this guy's inner thigh telling Rocky to work the bag.