They call that move the Stop Resisting because before you know what the fuck is going on a cop starts taking shots and you’re dead.

The night I got back from a couple weeks out of town, my girlfriend’s roommates were gone and she excitedly straddled me while I was sitting on her couch. I felt a little pinch, but whatever, we keep grinding. She seemed wetter than usual, but it HAD been a while. The pinching didn’t stop, though, so finally I…

Who knows... she could have been a drifter.

I have a bunch of .4s. Can I add them together? Always wondered.

I don’t know what I did but later a lawyer gave me a check for $130,000.

I’ve been lucky enough not to have any embarrassing ones. Never been caught by any parents/siblings

I’d have to say it’s a tie between the top 784 times I’ve had sex, where each time I lasted two pumps and then ashamedly said, “Wow, I never came that fast before, you really had me turned on a LOT.”

Before we start associating athletes and coaches with intelligence. I should point out that Jacques Demers won a Stanley Cup in 1993 as coach of the Canadiens and was generally considered one of the better coaches in hockey. About 10 years ago, he admitted he was illiterate.

You guys, I’m starting to think that maybe Tom isn’t very smart.

Fun fact: Despite being known as “The Wolverine State” Only one wild wolverine has been confirmed as living in Michigan the entire time it has been a state. It was first spotted in 2004 and was found dead in 2010 when it hung itself after Jim Tressel ran his record vs. UM to 9-1

THIS GUY JON GRUDEN, I CALL HIM DONALD TRUMP BECAUSE HE’S FALLEN UP INTO A JOB HE DOESN’T REALLY WANT AND IT’LL PROBABLY END IN DISASTER.

“Hey you want to go see Iron Maiden with me next week?”

This is the HR person saying nice things after she explains COBRA.

Or people.

Mark Davis either sleeps in a bed shaped like a race car or on a bed made from the skin of missing women.

Steve Smith: released by the front office

To be fair, there wasn’t a whole lot of athletic distance between “Tommy Maddox at the height of his physical prowess” and “Tommy Maddox in the throes of partial paralysis”.

I too can identify with these dudes, as I’m also not allowed to have unsupervised visits with my children.

It’s even more enjoyable with music:

Somewhere in alabama roy moore both messed his pants AND declared this video some sort of commie, illegal immigrant witchcraft.