Jesus Christ. I live in Memphis, and the Fords are a very well connected, longtime Political shitshow of a family. Picture the Bush family if there was a hell of a lot more booze and shot guns and repeat drunk driving offenses. One of the matriachs was always showing up to work smashed and she’s had repeated DUI’s.…

Lady Gaga cat, can we be friends? In my mind we’re already besties. I was literally just telling my mother and my lady boss who is a surgeon that it FINALLY hit me that my terrifying year of alopecia (there is a type that can afflict people who over stress their hair with tight braids or too much brushing) was due to…

I realize that comedy is just about the most subjective thing, besides food and sexual tastes. But holy shit, as a longtime yellow dog SNL fan I can not get over how incredibly bland and bro-ish Weeked Update is right now. Sure I’d love to see a lady up there, but I’d be perfectly willing to overlook the lack of…

When I worked as a concierge at a Hilton property in Midtown over a three year period, I encountered A TON of diamond members who just happened to be wealthy, white, middle aged to elderly men. My regulars. And believe it or not, they were mostly super conservative. I developed close friendships with a handful. I…

Most people don’t have to go out of their way to confirm that they’re not interested in 12 year olds.

I use Siri to set me alarm on nights where I know I have to wake before dawn for work. One night I had to set it for 4am, and I swear on my life Siri said something like “Ok, your alarm is set. Please don’t wake me up”. I’ve only heard it that one time, but I was delighted.

To ride the coattails of someone down thread, I wish the beast hadn’t been CGI’d into hell. When Coppola directed Bram Stokers Dracula, he made a point to make sure there were no computer animated special effects. It was all done with camera tricks and makeup. And now that I think of it, the two movies have so much in…

Less powerful, more powerful, some rando at a water park when I was 8. But you know what, I can’t recall EVER groping anyone else, man or woman. Weird how that works out sometimes.

I recall reading that once the original photo was published Nat Geo was flooded with offers from around the world to adopt here, and offers of marriage. I loved that photo as a little girl. God, those eyes.

Because the entire point of the show is that OMG he’s a stay at home dad. How amazing. Lots of fathers do this, just like the greater portion of women. You’re somehow proving your own point without realizing it there, kiddo.

I agree with your sentiment, but the elderly man you speak of wasn’t lazy or just hanging out at home for kicks. He in fact did try to follow NY state law. He was quite ill with a heart condition which made it difficult for him to leave the house so a city hall marriage was out. When he bequeathed his home to his…

I wish I had been given the benefit of having these talks with my teacher-mom and my father when I was little and going forward. It’s not that my parents WANTED me to accept unwanted hugs or touch from relatives or whomever. It’s just that without hearing it from parents, the people you trust most on earth, you are…

I went to Georgetown with Becker! She came up with and was close to Nick Kroll and Mulaney and Mike Birbiglia (Bradley Cooper was there too at the same time). That’s basically all I came here to say. That and I hope she made a ton of money off of that commercial and got a lot of laughs out of it.

As traumatizing as this election cycle has been, I am thrilled to see the glimmering silver lining here:

This is in a different vein, but the meaning is the same. When I was going through rehab, the most uplifting moments were sometimes when I could either assure a newly checked in patient and ease their concerns - that or when we did charity work as a group. It takes your head away from your own problems and warms you…

Yeah, that was... weird.

Laverne Cox is very convincing to me as a woman. But even if she were someone who had transitioned that didn’t present as especially feminine looking, I’d still have a problem with her in this role. Part of the fun and vamp and sex appeal of Tim Curry in the role was that he was a masculine man owning it, owning his…

Shit, she is every cunt I went to high school with in Memphis. When you tell a classmate that Reese barked at you while you were walking down the hallway to class, you’d hear the reply “She’s so sweet, you just have to get to know her”.

I would have sex with Jason Momoa if if looked like Donald Trump.

Real question: I live in the Midsouth US and for the past two weeks I’ve heard the creepiest fucking sound outside of my open window. At first I thought it was cats mating/fighting. But then I came to find the sound more like a bird of prey. It tends to be two keening creepy cries, and then a weird gurgling cooing…