#deadraccoon made me so proud of my city. It almost washed away the shame of Rob Ford.

I would probably try the Breakfast Time chips. They can’t be any worse than the Long Island Iced Tea ones.

Apparently the cheese brand is owned by Kraft Foods, and occasionally Cracker Barrel the restaurant will get into fights with Kraft about who can use the name. I like to picture two CEOs slapping each other like kids on a playground.

For the longest time I thought it was only a brand of cheese you could get in big blocks. I’m Canadian, and if we have the restaurant kind of Cracker Barrels up here, I haven’t seen one. I’m not too upset about it, as my need for Duck Dynasty related crap is super low.

I always thought it was called Cracker Barrel because the barrel was full of crackers. Like Cheez-its or something, and that was just how they stored them back in the day.

I am terrified of both thunder and lightening. The the thunder is just because it can be very loud and I don’t like loud noises, and the lightening I don’t really have an explanation for. I freak out like a dog freaks out, it’s ridiculous. If I am outside and there is a flash of lightening, I panic and sometimes I…

BOOP!

Eat the tostitos! Do it!! Chug! Chug! Chug! But like for chips though.

I completely understand being territorial about food so, no judgement here. One of the things I hated most about having roommates when I was in school was that my food always disappearing and I could never count on it still being there when I needed it. There is nothing worse than counting on something for dinner, and…

They must be super cheap to build or something, because they are at every fair. I would ride the most rickety, rusted-out roller coaster before I get into a Zipper.

Classic Dad Jokes every one.

You can’t fault a dad for making the standard Dad Jokes though. It’s what they do!

I knew a girl in elementary school who got her nose broken on one of those “Zipper” rides at a summer fair. The ride didn’t malfunction or anything, she just wasn’t belted in properly, so when her cage was spinning and jerking around she shot forward in her seat and smashed her face against the cage. By the time the…

For that you need to swap that straw for a length of hose and a funnel!

The title alone sounds pretty insufferable. I’ll be alone over here, reading more interesting books.

OMG I get it, that lady is dragging scarves around because Steve Tyler always had a lot of scarves dangling off the mike when he was on stage. She’s like, combining his old rock star life with his new country persona using the power of accessories or something. Deep.

I’ve just been elbow deep in a corpse and now I’m going to deliver a baby! Circle of life!

That guy sounds like an asshole. What kind of monster doesn’t understand why you’d be excited to see your mom right after you have just become a mother yourself and just belittles you for it? That is messed up.

Huh, I thought it would have a lot more mayo in it, like a LOT more. A cheap seafood sandwich drowned in mayo.

The one in the picture looks nice, but I’m guessing the McDonalds one is a lot more sickly white and drowned in cheap mayonnaise. My stomach hurts just thinking about it.