It’s unfortunate that it would take a lot of effort on your part to have someone deliver to him the garbage bag full of gold stars he’s so desperately looking for from you. Like a glitter bomb only more and sharper!

Yeah, fuck that. That is some kind of control game I am not interested in. Do not make me beg you for my own things! I will freaking cut you with whatever is sharp and close to hand, and we can be on the news tonight. That’s fine with me.

This one is called Peach Iced Tea!

I honestly don’t know how I got through childhood without a serious poisoning.

And that rainbow of dish soap! I cannot walk through a display of Palmolive without assigning them flavours. Lemon! Grape! Green Apple! Watermelon! They look like liquid Jolly Rancher.

I smell a trend that will sweep the internets (and also the emergency room!).

Ditto for the showers in gym class. It’s a bunch of girls showing as quickly as possible in ice cold water and getting the fuck out because high school communal showers are disgusting places, and teenagers have better places to be. The quicker you finished in the shower, the more time you’d have before the next class…

So, Mike Huckabee basically admits to being one of those scary predators that everyone’s so worried about. He is the creepy man spying on women and children in the ladies rest room. See? It is a real concern after all! Mike Huckabee himself just admitted he would totally have done that. That is so convenient!

Sometimes I think these people are confusing a movie with real life. High school always looks like so much fun in the movies, but it was never like that for real. Not even close.

Do school administrators think high school is just one great big awesome time for everyone? Like, it’s a community that everyone wants to honour and get all sentimental about? Some people are happy to finally leave, and don’t really care about faking being sad for the cameras or tradition.

Bahahahahahaha!!!

For a second there I thought Christians were making an alternate 50 shades book that presumably would have less sex and more Jesus, then I remembered the guy’s name is Christian, and it would be a book about him, derp!

Thank you for not spelling it with a K Caitlyn! I believe the mass eye roll if you had gone with Kaitlyn would have blinded us all.

Do you think that guy’s son literally died of embarrassment or just figuratively? I feel like watching your dad try to rub off a stranger’s tattoo with spit could possibly be a fatal dose of shame.

AAAARG! I know right? Fuck Ross man. Fuck him. And fuck whoever wrote that idea.

The people of Seinfeld are supposed to be shitty though. They don’t hide their moral abiguity. The Friends friends are supposed to be so lovable! They’re good people! They’ll be there for you when the rain starts to fall! I think that somehow magnifies their shittiness as people. Technically they are no worse than…

Omg right? I don’t know if this would be a spoiler alert for you but...

That Mad Max “Hey Girl, you can use my shoulder as a rifle stand” thing does more for me than Ryan Gosling ever could.

My friend’s daughter who is six, makes this exact pose with that exact face when she is arguing with people about why she should get ice cream or stay up later. I have no idea where she picked it up but she has been doing it since she learned the word no, so maybe you’ve never done that pose before, and maybe your…

People are weird. I for one would give some major side eye to the people side eyeing your topless baby daughter. What on earth is going through your heads people? You’ve got the right idea, just swap the colours out and get rid of that headache.