Man, I WISH porn that well crafted.

I would be shocked and disappointed if they hadn’t blurred out the naughty bits. This is the kind of silly prudishness that we have come to expect from Fox News. No doubt the painted boobies would have been a threat to Family Values and The Children and such. Keep doing you Fox News.

Love the shape, LOVE the pleating, hell I even like the minty colour, but I just can’t get on board with these shoulder flowers.

“Big sun hats are so in this year” says girl who just bought herself a big ass sun hat. I look like I should be going to some kind of derby, but my face and neck and shoulders have extra protection from the scorching sun!

Not a dude, but I would give it my best shot or die choking to death. Break out the crappy sheets, ‘cause that sandwich has extra mustard!

And this is a Bud Light he is talking about? Yeah No.

I love thrift stores so much!! So much of my clothing comes from there, and I have basic sewing skills so I can do quick fixes and basic altering (like hems and shit, I’m not up to taking anything in just yet) I always look at everything because you never know when the Scottie dog something of my dreams will pop up…

It’s okay to change as you get older Marilyn Manson, everybody does.

That sounds like something one of my idiot cousins would do. 2015 and they still make bacon jokes and always want it on everything. They are exactly the kind of assholes who would ask, nay demand! bacon in a halal or kosher situation.

Interview tip for kids seeking out summer jobs: don’t let your parents get too involved! Drop your resumes off on your own, or at least with your mom or dad standing a respectable distance away, and for the love of all that is good and holy DO YOUR OWN FOLLOW-UP CALLS!! Nothing makes me want to hire you less than if…

He just ends up coming off like he’s trying way too hard to still be an edgy hedonist. I’ll bet really he’s just tired a lot of the time and his knees hurt and make noises, but he doesn’t want anyone to know that ‘cause you know, satanic rock star and all that.

Didn’t he also say in some other interview that he was still a 14 year old boy on the inside though? Bragging about the enormous amount of sex you have every day is exactly the kind of thing some dumbass teenage boy would lie about.

You and me both Ben Schwartz, you and me both. *eating my feelings, and also ALL of the food*

I keep a magnified mirror and a pair of tweezers by my computer so I can pluck while I wait for stuff to load.

I’ve been shaving my lady-like mustache since I was 13 (thanks puberty!). In my family, we don’t go bald as we get older, we just grow more hair, sometimes in new and exciting places! I predict that by the time I am 80 I will look like a petite sasquatch.

Ugh, it’s handwritten? Somehow that makes it even worse. At least give your hatred a professional touch and have this frivolous shit type written you whackjob! Some clerk is going to have to read that!

This calls for a preemptive strike against God, the greatest threat to the American way of life and Freedom!

Get drunk and say some nonsense!

He’s not pulling off that pony tail, I can tell you that. Ease up on your hair buddy, those follicles aren’t as young as they used to be!

My womb will be out of a job, but I will try to console myself with all the hover races we can have :(