Going gaa gaa over babies. Newborns are gross and boring, and while I’m excited for the new parents and will lie about how cute their wrinkled, bald, pinch-faced little newborn is, really I’m not a fan, and I am sooo bored and want to be anywhere else besides looking at identical newborns behind a glass wall in the…

Oh my!

It has a wee pink sound system and everything!

Well, it was either feed the baby, or helplessly watch as the baby continued her swathe of destruction across the bathroom.

$300!? man, I must have skipped over that part just out of sheer “glad that’s not my experience” The last time I bought an ounce it was about $170. and thank god for that! (Ontario ftw, for once)

But keep the gold!!! It’s probably all those things too...maybe not the fair trade one, but I don’t think fair trade is too important when it comes to fancy metals, so you’re probably still good!

Yeah but....the $700 weed is wrapped in gold foil, like a fancy chocolate! Not wrapped in a sandwich bag that is stuffed into another sandwich bag to try and kill the smell. It’s special.

Use the word ‘raw’ somewhere; people will assume that is it more natural and thus healthier.

Rich people love it when you put gold in unexpected and unnecessary places. I think you might be on to something.

That is actually pretty cool, and tasteful.

How is she not cold?? Well, I mean obviously she’s a little chilly, but how does she stand it? Just looking at her makes me want to put on a sweater!

I bet if you wanted to, you could go online and find something that combines both flag worship and Jesus in one hideous commemorative plate and/or resin figurine. I doubt you’d have to search long either; you’d probably be spoiled for choice.

I don’t know about you guys, but Jesus comes off like an asshole in that letter. Red flag city!

Aaaand I’m pretty sure I threw mine in the stuffed toy bin at our garage sale last year, because the bears were never my favourite kind of Beanie Baby (I liked the birds!), and I was in purge mode. Eh, it likely wasn’t the right edition anyway.

They never said anything about clothing with someone else’s name on it!

Good for you, both for the books and the gender neutral toys! I always loved getting books as a kid. Bookworm for life! Also, I would have earned myself a very unhappy birthday indeed if I decided to throw a gift back at someone because I hated it. Who teaches their kid that it’s okay to turn their nose up at a gift?…

Fuck yes! I would commandeer this swan and rule the waters for the remainder of the party. I don’t care if people are watching. Let them stare!

That is bullshit. Cabs are expensive, and if you’re shelling out the money to ride in one, you should be able to kiss your partner if you want to. The driver should be paying attention to the damn road anyway, not to people necking quietly in the backseat.

They've probably got a couple of booths up somewhere doing them for $20 a pop or something. Once we start seeing them on sunburned people in tube tops and jorts at state fairs all over the nation later in the summer, we'll know the trend has passed.

But why should we have to pretend to make nice with the people who treated us terribly during our most vulnerable years, just because togetherness is part of some kind of sappy theme for the evening? I like your way of dealing with it; all the feels were bullshit, and you weren’t having any of it, and that’s just fine.