like in super dodge ball? that game was brutal. straight up murdering dudes in a game of dodge ball.

Rovell just overlooks the fact that the most important percentage in having your wife open her own business is the percentage of time you now get to spend away from her.

The people responding to the protestors have a lot in common. I can’t white put my finger on it.

The proper counter is to hatchet-throw the bat at the opposing pitcher, kick the catcher backwards, pick up the ball and run from third to first to home to second. This unlocks unlimited-dingers mode.

And in our desperation we turned to a city we didn’t fully understand.

Tom Brady: somehow the one white guy on the Pats who *can’t* catch a pass

Markelle Fultz needs to call her shooting coach.

Well luckily he still has his Bad Santa residuals to fall back on.

Nobody in the stands there at Staples. Must be the first quarter.

My accountant laughed at me when I sold all my stock and invested in folding tables and upstate New York based emergency rooms. WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?

23. Nick the bartender

“I wish I could tell you that Kevin fought the good fight, and the Lakers let him be. I wish I could tell you that, but the league is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it...but we all knew.”

There’s a perfectly innocent explanation for this whole situation: he just wanted to ask Durant if he knew how to get to Temecula.

Look at this asshole.

St. Louis Post-Dispatch headlines:

Kristaps is the shit. I have no snark or special insight. He’s just awesome, and I’m glad he’s in the NBA.

Oldest trick in the book. Jimmy’s gonna fill his bindle with everyone else’s clothes.

Emma...

Tear it down and build a statute of a real Maryland hero:
That girl that crushed a can of beer on her head last weekend.