May Tebow bless your hurt butt.

This is a great take. There is no need to treat a time-tested champion like a participation trophy winner when she fails. I doubt Federer would receive such wistful coddling if he fails tomorrow.

I’m still shocked that neither of them have declared Prima Nocta.

I’m not saying I would definitely beat this kid 1 vs. 1, but on a neutral court with good lighting behind the hoop, I would at least have a significant advantage in overall skill and athletic ability.

“Players wearing visible bra straps and black underwear is going to make the Wimbledon Club look like a bunch of perverts. Now quick, you sweaty young boys go change into these used pairs of tighty-whities I keep in the trunk of my car while the entire stadium imagines you undressing and kissing.”

“Hey, do any of you guys know Derek Jeter’s phone number by any chance? Asking for a friend of a friend.”

Easy solution. Make Carmelo the player-coach, run the parallelogram offense, name Kurt Rambis the new GM and president of operations with full autonomy, tell the press that Porzingis has a cocaine problem, trade Porzingis for Austin Rivers, let Rambis shower with the Knicks City Dancers, sign Glenn Robinson III to a…

I knew the reason I like stabbing people in the eyes is that I am the second born child, not because I am a cruel dick. Thanks!

Tim Hardaway Jr., a bunch of Europeans who can’t legally drink yet, and Frederic Weis. The next 10 NBA titles belong to the New York Knicks, baby!

Burneko deserves a Pulitzer Prize for this post.

As a Knicks fan, right now Caitlyn Jenner could cunt punt both of my grandmas into next Tuesday, and this would still be a fantastic morning.

One time, at the end of a kids’ basketball game I was refereeing between a diverse boys and girls club team and a more affluent, mostly white team, two parents from the opposing teams got into a heated argument. A white parent from the affluent team was yelling at a black parent about the game, calling him a…

How else were they supposed to fund building Aaron Judge in a secret laboratory located in the center of the Earth? Can’t put that in your financial statements and go unnoticed.

Big Boss Man > Big Baller Brand

They should use real falcons. If the falcons become a problem, they’ll just have to release wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes.

Banksy has nothing on Phil Jackson.

“OK Twitter fans...who do you thinks the Brits are going to shoot first?”

“You started the super team, bro! -Draymond Green”

“Oh, that’s just where I deposit my game checks into my savings account.”

Won’t someone pleeease think of the baseballs?