I find your incomplete sentences and random capitalization very persuasive, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

She is so damn hilarious it’s ridiculous.

“It’s because these cyclists grew up outside of the family unit with no fathers that they choose to behave this way.”

BOOMSHAKALAKA

No real Knicks fan would ever say that. Never again.

It all relates.

No player for the Knicks showed up for the fourth quarter so Derrick Rose wouldn’t feel so bad for not showing up on Monday. That’s called being considerate, guys.

This is a poor decision by Mixon, which is surprising because there is no documented history of Mixon making bad decisions. Boomer Sooner.

I’d like to begin by stating that I’m not a racist. I don’t think all Whites are bad. It’s just that when I’m walking on the sidewalk and a family of Whites pass me, I feel their beady eyes and small lips clamoring for the mocha frappe in my hand, and it makes me wonder about how civilized they are. It’s time for…

Who doesn’t enjoy a naked sprint through the family home from time to time?

“I knew it.”

He is goink out of his mind.

What kind of monster steals two wallets?

In 30 years, we will all be telling our robot children/servants about the legendary two-game career of Bryce Petty once Christmas time comes around.

Sam Bradford is the Krampus of first round picks.

A kitchen smeared in soft baby shit

“Listen, your outfit is ok I guess Mr. Woods, but your thumb is uncomfortably far up my butt, and no I won’t call you that word.”

“Nope. He clearly traveled.”

I’ll be the first to say it. The Warriors have an honest-to-God shot of winning the NBA title this season.

I mean to be fair, this could all just be viral marketing for the NFL’s Week 14 “My Cause, Tough Shit” campaign.