oh oh! i know this one! Phil Dunphy!

And yet you know when Roman Polanski, Woody Allen, and Bill Cosby die, those fuckers will not only be included in the In Memoriam segment but will have goddamn laser shows accompanied by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir...

right now I just feel like my children are massive, massive failures with their stupid adorable laughs.

"we may be genocidal maniacs, but we understand the importance of dairy."

Wat.

The parents of the girls have expressed "incredulity" today that Begum's public exchange with Mahmood on Twitter did not send up red-flags for the London authorities to get involved, given all their surveillance of the Arab community.

This is why I can't eat cheesecake; it goes straight to my vagina.

I know that guy. We went out for wings one time and he forgot to say he wanted his boneless (which... c'mon, you're 43 years old), and instead of sending them back (the server was happy to do it) he took a teeny bite out of each one because EW BONES GROSS and then pouted the rest of the evening.

So, his Wiki page has been updated with this important life discovery:

Hold on a second there, LADIES.

Just like the old saying goes: "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach. A way to a woman's stomach is through her vagina. Or was it heart? I can't remember. Anyway, vagina."

Barbierei will go back to his side gig sitting on the board of a pregnancy center in the state.

I wonder what his stance is on aborting watermelon babies and if he supports education to teach our youth not to swallow seeds.

Would give 2 stars if I could. One for the comment, one for the name.

"first gay character"

I am seriously in love with this show. Rick is one of my favorite characters. I cannot wait for him to change his shirt though. Good lord....

Would you like to go loco? How about this?