How many times do I have to apologize for doing that? Sorry, but I seldom drink absynthe.

Good thing it merely grazed her. if she had taken the full force (like her door did), she would've painted the asphalt with her organs.

During the gruesome, sexual education class we all took in basic training they would find the recruit with the biggest head and roll a condom over his dome and down across his eyes.

Rest assured that no one admires your shitty charms.

Bad BO (usually) comes from a bad diet.

I think you might have hit the wrong 'reply' button.

I think you might have hit the wrong 'reply' button.

Wow.

I guess 'hoody-wearer' is today's 'uppity.'

It's the floppy, Carrot Top hair that makes it entertaining.

Agreed. This thing is worth it's weight in salvaged metals. Nothing more.

Through a razor-wire fence.

This really displays the limitations of etiquette. I think we need a ruling from Emily Post.

I think the giant tips are a burden of celebrity. Leave an adequate tip, claims of 'cheapskate!' are tweeted immediately.

Style.

They used the high test spirit gum to hold his toupee that day.

The KGB used to buy their gasoline from Finland so they didn't have to use that shit all the rabble was using.

Baby Face Finster needs his stogie.

The lowest possible pay in the NFL is $6,000 a week for a member of the practice squad. Chump change compared to the contract players.