I didn’t say it did “accomplish anything”. I said she wasn’t unpopular. The end.

My friend one pooped a single poop that ended up making a big healthy circle in the bowl. She took a picture. I am ashamed of how bad I wanted to see it once I heard of it (though, being a goddamn lady, I protested and pretended I didn’t want to see). Luckily she is as weird as I am, and insisted that I look. And her…

I lived through the Reagan Administration— I lived through Bushes I and II— I lived through an abusive husband and a divorce— I can live through Trump. He won’t fucking break ME.

“Schitzenghoster”

This is good parenting.

My husband refers to that as “winning the game.” I’m not sure what game that is, but it sounds gross.

My step-father was a chronic pain patient who became permanently disabled when I was in high school. My mom couldn’t deal with it so she split in my senior year, so instead of any college, I had to find a job to support us. My biological father was pretty much absent in my life, so my step-father was all I had—he…

What about those of us who have been shitting plenty, but they aren’t good poos? They’re all sludgy and leave you feeling gross rather than invigorated, which is how a poo SHOULD make you feel.

The anxiety-induced weight loss since tuesday has been unreal. I thought the scale at the gym was broken so I weighed myself on the puppy scale at the vet and nope, that’s my actual weight. I would welcome this under different circumstances 😒

Over the weekend, before the complete disaster of Tuesday, I was staying in a hotel. I dropped a massive log, as thick around as my wrist, running in one piece from the front of the bowl all the way to the back. It wouldn’t move a centimeter when I flushed. I was sort of proud of it until I had to reach in between…

Those are the healthiest of poops.

A star for making me startle the dog with laughter. Hope you feel better soon.

I am really, deeply sorry for your troubles, but I also want to know I am shaking silently from laughing so hard, so know your pain was not truly in vain, for it brought this stranger temporary joy.

My 10yr-old daughter and I love potty humor and have decided that whenever we are going to announce that we are going to take a crap it shall henceforth be exclaimed, “I’m going to take a Trump!” Or, “Don’t go in there, I just took a steamy Trump!” Or, “Hey dad, if you’re gonna stink up the bathroom with a massive…

This is very timely.

I’ve had several “incognito” poops. The kind where you wipe and it’s clean. There’s no trace at all.

Everybody sharts.... sometime

This is extremely embarrassing, but I sharted on my way home from work on Wednesday. I had stress poops all day at work and I just wasn’t expecting it. Trump made me dump (in my pants) :(

Anybody else been gassy? I was so gassy at work yesterday that when some guy was being a colossal douche I would pass by him and quietly cropdust him. Seriously I did it at least four times over the course of a day.