I read this article and caught a diabete.

...and should get bonus points for it.

But what about the children?!? What am I supposed to tell my child when he sees a fumble on the field? Will they teach both fumbling and not fumbling in school?

Busted.

I do not recommend the chocolate chip omelette.

Plus, you know...boobs and whatnot.

My mom caught me spanking in the back seat of our 1964 Oldsmobile station wagon in the Gemco parking lot after church.

Brunell made some hella stupid investments, trying to get rich(er). When the investments shit the bed, he threw his investment manager (not the advisor, the guy who managed his accounts) under the Federal bus.

The game call could have been better only if this:

“It’s OK for the Wayan Brothers to dress up as white folks, and make a movie called ‘White Chicks’, but God forbid if a white paints their face black.”

My son goes full ankle-drop when urinating in public.

“...although I struggle to understand the argument that members of the Army National Guard count as ‘law-enforcement officers.’”

To be fair, mixed fibers ARE an abomination.

Nailed it. End of ‘splantion.

“Then she has a lackey catch one of her farts.”

Now you’re just being mean.

This is some real insightful shit, Jedward (of that’s your real name).

For the record, the Jaguars are the first Florida-based NFL team to win a game in Florida this year.

Timing is the big difference. Instead of moving toward the hole/zone on the snap and getting the ball after being able to read the defense, taking a handoff from the ‘gun is getting the ball and then reading the defense.

Fo’, fo’, fo’, fo’.