WE’RE NUMBER ONE!

Good info but incomplete.

You know how we are.

“metric fuckton”

My best man had polycystic fibrosis (or something like that) and needed a kidney. His wife was a match so she gave him one.

John Rocker.

God forbid a black woman have an actual opinion of her own that differs from the masses.

GODDAMMIT, FLORIDA!!!

Where’s Bill Simmons when you really need him?

It’s the thumbs. Those thumbs haunt my dreams. Those thumbs.

The amount of time from hotel room entry to initiation of fap (fapmencement in Canada) is a mathematical formula.

“Anyway, he’ll be broke by the end of this. Lawyers always pick the carcass clean. They don’t leave meat on the bone. This is why I really hope I never murder anyone.”

Disappointed in Jenny Slate.

Y’all are nuts. Their is but one logical choice for the $20 bill: Leslie Knope.

1. Steely Dan is the fucking greatest. Ever. My favorite of all the Dans.

Fecking brilliant.

I get weak in the knees whenever Jolie says, "isopropyl."

Yes, yes...it looks like Nipple Island.

Y'all are missing the larger point.

Given the whole shower thing, I fully expected this to have been written by Jolie Kerr.