"There are no 1-AA pro teams, except for the Jaguars."

Were J.J. Watt a football playing man, this would be considered frilly.

From How Damien Grew Up to Be an Accountant by artless.dodger:

For sheer word-craftsmanship alone, Dante3000 gets bonus points.

1. Thin Mints

Clearly plagiarized from his brother, Iambi'c Stoudamire.

And just when I thought I couldn't love Jolie more than I already did...

Please, o erudite one...illuminate us on the difference?

Meanwhile, male genital mutilation continues unquestioned and unchallenged in America.

It's everything you'd dream it would be.

No matter where you go in the room, these eyes follow you.

You sad, bro?

I can say with reasonable assurance that neither Robert Kraft nor Roger Goodell have ever gotten — nor will they ever get — hyphy.

The hidden bonus of this is that after you've attempted to make and eat every one of the snacks on this list and have completely devastated your home, JOLIE WILL TELL YOU HOW TO CLEAN IT!!!

The peanut butter conundrum is a simple one: Creamy peanut butter is the only acceptable choice.

Rarely do you see anyone other than Bill Simmons that far up Gronk's ass.

You had me at "stuck a nail in urethra."

"By the way, they gotta stop airing that USAA ad with RGIII and his mom. I know it's for a good cause, but it's on ALL THE TIME."

You are WRONG, sir. So very, very wrong.

Salute the troops

Pearl diving.