Disappointed in Jenny Slate.

Y’all are nuts. Their is but one logical choice for the $20 bill: Leslie Knope.

1. Steely Dan is the fucking greatest. Ever. My favorite of all the Dans.

Fecking brilliant.

I get weak in the knees whenever Jolie says, "isopropyl."

Y'all are missing the larger point.

Given the whole shower thing, I fully expected this to have been written by Jolie Kerr.

"There are no 1-AA pro teams, except for the Jaguars."

Were J.J. Watt a football playing man, this would be considered frilly.

From How Damien Grew Up to Be an Accountant by artless.dodger:

For sheer word-craftsmanship alone, Dante3000 gets bonus points.

1. Thin Mints

Clearly plagiarized from his brother, Iambi'c Stoudamire.

And just when I thought I couldn't love Jolie more than I already did...

Please, o erudite one...illuminate us on the difference?

Meanwhile, male genital mutilation continues unquestioned and unchallenged in America.

It's everything you'd dream it would be.

You sad, bro?

I can say with reasonable assurance that neither Robert Kraft nor Roger Goodell have ever gotten — nor will they ever get — hyphy.

The hidden bonus of this is that after you've attempted to make and eat every one of the snacks on this list and have completely devastated your home, JOLIE WILL TELL YOU HOW TO CLEAN IT!!!