I’m kind of charmed by the idea of a parallel-universe Obama who really is trying to oppress gun-owners or institute sharia law or whatever, but is really, really bad at it.

If Obama is heading a race war, given how civil it’s been and with extremely few deaths, he’s extremely shitty at it. It’s almost as bad as how half-assed he’s been at taking everyone’s guns.

Hey, as an actual sex worker (BDSM-centric, thank you very much) I take great offense to this mocking of my side profession!

...Nah, I’m just messing with you, I literally laughed out loud at this — though I have seen one or two penises (penisi?) that shocked me upon first viewing during forced bi scenes and made me…

This will probably get me pretend fired from my fictitious and satirical escort job, but I once serviced Klayman and his penis was stupid and he had ball fungus. I left. Satirically.

I swear, you’d think MLK was the only black leader these people had ever heard of. Clearly, in his death, he’s the only one they’ll even feign respect for.

This is some hitchhikers guide to the galaxy level sass.

Not sure it’s only a male v. female dynamic, but find that when there is a bulky person or a group coming in the opposite direction, I, a woman, am supposed to move out of the way. Yesterday, there was a group of four walking abreast coming towards me when an unexpected fifth came up from behind on my side and blocked…

Much like the Grand Canyon, you could see the intensity of my current NOPE face from space.

Thank you for being clear in what actually happened. I found out what happened early Saturday morning and the way the story is being covered by many outlets today is incredibly misleading and clearly click bait. I’ve always known I shouldn’t read comments but these articles have really brought that point home. I…

I suppose it is an easy mistake to make when they are all married to women who hate them.

Do they not realize that the peoples generally like sex?

For fucks sake. I am trying very hard to relate to law enforcement perspective, but I am quite tired of being told to think about how their families feel not knowing if their loved ones will come back after work, and the stress that creates. It amazes me that they demand this while failing to understand how black…

When I was a teenager living in Columbus, I did a mean and dangerous thing. I have never before confessed this, but here goes...

We’re f*****.

someone teach me a way to scam rich white men. like robin hood but i am also the poor i am robbing for.

This is the sexy love machine we’re talking about, by the way...

“I think you and I should have had a sexual relationship a long time ago and then you’d be good and better and I’d be good and better.”

This is exactly what a space lizard pretending to be human would sound like.

THIS!

Why do I get the feeling the only difference between Bravalla and other massive festivals like Glastonbury is that theses cases were reported rather than the action of sexual assault itself.