"Oh please." - Woody Allen

Beat me to it.

"That's about when I lose interest, too." - Roman Polanski.

—we'll call her Gavrila Princip—

"Abortions for some, tiny American flags for others!"

I liked these Real Americans™ better when they were the Silent Majority.

First they came for my bacon and I said nothing ........

Sure, but personally, I think that's kind of a weird way to look at it. The question isn't whether the Winooski resident was right or wrong or a hypersensitive twit to request the sign be taken down; the question is whether the restaurant committed some evil capitulation to encroaching Wahhabism (or whatever) by…

Yeah, what the fuck kind of business owner cow tows to bacon complaints? Wouldn't you just use a car or truck, or at a minimum, some kind of goddamn oxen?

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the grease of bacon." -T. Jefferson

You don't hear kosher Jews complaining!!!!

"What's next? Grocery stores putting up signs telling us we have to pay for stuff?"

I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I really feel like this confirms all our worst fears. Something incredibly bad must have happened to make a cornerback miss a chance to play against Eli Manning.

I feel like when someone dies unjustly, even the shittiest sites, where commenters like to joke about everything, could show some humility and just be nice. If even for just 24 hours.

"I pulled a whole notebook's worth of material from this muse alone."

Required viewing for this young fella:

You're SUPPOSED to give the ball to a kid. Whatchoo want, a cookie??

Announcer: Well that was a nice thing of Chris Rock to do, giving the ball to a little kid. That's something black people do, whereas ni- (cut mic, cue commercial break)

"I don't give a shit. Remember when we were kids? Wasn't that great?"