[busts a nutella]

The Good old NCCA

...Underachieving sideshow

Accounting Dept: [subtly shifts ticket revenue from net to gross]

I'll be completely honest with you. I know nothing about baseball.

"See what happens? If you stand in front of the net, you'll never get hit."

The silver lining behind all this is that Bostonians now know that even white people sometimes need help from a safety net.

"The Marlins are just mad because they think they should be the only ones allowed to cheat their fans."

"He reminds me of me," Sidney Crosby said.

The most productive hitter of his generation was Darryl Strawberry's pipe.

Tim Marchman is a editor at Deadspin and an expert on assholes since every morning he eats tree bark and poops out a 20 lb-er.

REF 1: "Alright, let's sort this shit out, I've got a 10-minute misconduct to Wilson, and game misconducts to Lecavalier and Erskine. That all?"

He first tried to use Instagram, but for some reason nobody saw it.

Oh man, I wish I had this gif. This reminds me of this great episode of The Simpsons. Wait, wait, maybe it was South Park. Hold on a minute, I think it was Family Guy . . . orrrr Archer? Well, either way, there's this great plot twist in the episode where one of the characters gets a paper route, and damn it was so…

So I tried this thing out, and... um... what kind of submissions do you guys take to the tips@deadspin.com address?

'Martin Brodeur asks out of New Jersey'

But no shin splints!

Well, the WWE has been trying to soften their image.

They asked him if he would prefer a crazy red and orange and brown sweater, but he said he didn't really care for the new Buccaneers jersey.

Well, I guess there IS always room for Jello.