“Look, for years I staked my career and my image on the idea that I WOULD TOTALLY DO THIS TYPE OF SHIT so I just don’t understand why people believe that I TOTALLY DID THAT SHIT. I’m just looking for justice and a fair shake, people.”

“The scene where the puppies use the box-cutter and salt on the kid would have definitely got us the hard R rating, glad we cut that out of the final product.”

Guys! Guys!

“Boss, you know how people like puppies? Like, pretty much universally? Well, we want to put a 2021 spin on that...”

You are speaking to a man with Savage Garden in his name, and the subject you are discussing is Richard Marx’s memorability.

Raises hand:

This white powder in envelopes shit has been dumb as fuck since it started. It has never been worth giving a shit over even the few times it has actually been poison and not some crazy guy’s crushed up toenail clippings, ffs.

“We made all guns legal for everybody at anytime, no questions asked.”

Government resources well spent, to my mind; anyone that has ever had the misfortune to be employed by Nanotrasen is well aware of the DIRE THREAT that clowns represent. As is said amongst the clown-fearing:

Trump, ffs, is not a god or a some kind of overweight robot. He is old, he is unhealthy, and he is constantly in a state of high-stress. He is now facing real legal trouble that has been percolating long enough that it is becoming “real” for him.

I just imagine Snyder screaming “MARTHA!” at anyone who disagrees with him.

“And while Amazon aquiring the rights to Wheel of Time wasn’t the beginning, it was a beginning...”

Allow me to offer this the response that I sincerely believe that it deserves:

Was the fucking blowjob car filled with as well as built entirely of TNT?! How the fuck did it cook off in a fireball that fucking large?

I look forward to the short-run television series that follows the exploits of the Tennesse Junk Inspector.

I feel like the media is bizarrely horny for these bugs.

Personally I prefer to make full eye contact while grinning maniacally but I can see where you were going, yeah.

As the model for every asshole white guy that I see in the news, I feel your pain.

The center three males are, in a word, fucking mutants.

Internet gas!