I love a spit take as much as the next guy, but my mouth was full of PROTEIN SHAKE.

Trump recently cut funding for all the satellites looking anywhere except at China.

On the list of not recommended uses for feces....

Tough shit. You made it, now lay in it.

She deserves every bit of this after the racist bs she pulled with the birther movement

That’s some serious Henry VIII stuff there.

This was a glorious 2 hours of twitter tonight, delicious.

Wow, more eyes must be trained on these accounts than satellites at the sun.

Are you alright, Melania?

Sarcasm!

It’s an elaborate version of ‘I’m on a diet so you can’t order that piece of cake’ he just can’t have people munching on those delicious pieces of heaven around him

There is also a ban on cookie sales.

I want to head there and drop in learning material about the girl scouts in the donation plate. Maybe go to confession and just talk about all the sinful things I learned as a girl scout, like sewing and speaking up for myself.

I feel the need to go to church in Kansas city and eat a whole box of girl scout cookies as noisily as possible.

I should have been more suspicious when my niece showed me her new merit badges in promiscuity and atheism.

Or at least the father of the Bride had the good decency to force the impregnator or other easy to find male to marry the little harlot to avoid bringing shame to the family name! /s

No, but they at least had the decency to die after a botched back alley abortion.

Before the pill women never got pregnant out of wedlock.......

“programs and materials reflective of many of the troubling trends in our secular culture”

Fucking Girl Scouts. Well now we know that all that cookie money is secretly funding abortions and pro-sexy times propoganda.