I’m beginning to think the internet may not be half as clever, funny, or smart as it thinks it is.

Bret, invite me to dinner at your house. I will NOT call you a bedbug. I will, however, give you a swirly and bang your wife. 

Disney, can I please just have an unedited Original Trilogy? You know it would sell like hotcakes. After that, you can do whatever you want with the rest of it...

Oh lovely desk dent... You are my only friend, desk dent. You fit my forehead perfectly and more perfectly every time I read a Trump story. Don’t ever leave me desk dent. I don’t think my walls can take it.

Really disappointed “Baby Shark” didn’t make someone’s list....

Definitely feels like one of those situations where you see a little kid being a brat in public and feel sorry for the parent, but then the parent lashes out at the brat and you realize their both assholes.

But look at the upside: Lots more franchise fast-food restaurants, the uber-rich building their summer palaces in places formerly kept pristine because of their natural beauty, maybe even a Trump Greenland Resorts Hotel and Golf Course, Disney/Marvel’s New Valhalla Winter Resort complex.

Warning Shark

Moe always knew.

Katy Perry does. Didn't you read the article?

Katy Perry!! I knew it was her. Even when it was Taylor Swift, I knew it was her.

The swear police
They live inside of my head
The swear police
They come to me in my bed
The swear police
They’re coming to arrest me
Oh no

“And, lo, the Lord Jesus did say to Paul, ‘Please do not take my father’s name in vain, Paul for he never shuts up about it at family dinner,’ and Paul was shamed, promising only to use the F word instead.”

You’re really stretching that “mostly”.

Certainly not anymore, anyway.

I feel like you’re waaaay over reading this.

If they can co-opt the “ok,” sign. We can use Betty.

“Betty White”