In keeping with the 1999 throwback jerseys, NFL scorekeepers will continue working on pre-YTK Windows laptops.

This is the whole some of my best friends are black thing happening in real time.

...he went out in style, having been accused of being a bigot, come pretty close to getting into a fistfight with a woman...

Honey Bunches of Dead Babies

The walkoff proved timely for Jeter, he had a post-game, ultra-VIP, souvenir signing session scheduled.

Bunch of chin farmers.

Fortunately the stadium's Staircase Altercation Fuckingstopchokingme Everybody team was on hand to straighten things out.

For a minute, I liked Straub better than Yuengling, which is like deciding to shit yourself instead of shitting yourself.

Is this your favorite scene in Spaceballs or your most favorite scene in Spaceballs?

The answer is always Jessica Fletcher.

Thankfully people are taking this moment to reflect on what's important, fantasy football.

What's wrong with hitting your kids, my parents hit me when I was a kid and look at me now, I grew up into someone who doesn't think hitting your kids is wrong.

Sure but what does the high jump look like compared to a boxing hoop?

No, you're wrong. Spock is in Joe Versus the Volcano.

Joe Versus the Volcano is not Beetleguise. You can say its name. Just don't say it three times or it will come back as a James Franco reboot.

So that we may eventually face our death with dignity and self respect, like Spock in the volcano or whatever.

Squid ink is used in pasta because it tastes amazing. It's a specialty of Venice. Not to be missed. The briny-ness of the pasta is different. It's not salty, it tastes vaguely like the ocean, but warm and a little funky.

The arrested Texas Tech fans will have the book thrown at them, the UTEP fans, however, will have it read to them.

With such damning evidence, the only appropriate thing for Goodell to do is add another four games onto Josh Gordon's suspension.

As a Clevelander, I wish only the worst on Browns fans. People keep going to Browns games every year, while the Indians are contending and nobody bothers to show up for the games. Obviously he had a lot of time on his hands, driving back to west suburbs from scary downtown. Die in a fire Browns fans.