The line is, "Our main export is crippling depression." If you're going to quote something to be funny, at least quote it correctly.

Let me get this straight, you want me to use two pans to make something I made on a hotplate in my college dorm room while stoned?!

Toledo is the worst. Ohio has an NBA franchise that welcomes, nay exemplifies, losers like you. The Cavaliers are underdogs to end all underdogs. The underdoggiest. And instead you root for the Heat. These same people are what push the Ohio baseball map to include the Yankees. People from Akron could be excused from…

My grandpa was the same way. He wasn't racist. He was just performing research for a friend. For his entire life. About racism. Also sexism. And being a dickface to people.

I miss you grandpa.

JL 10/20 - Put hos before bros. His NFL career is already over.

With the regular season over and the Cavs out the playoffs, NBA writers have to focus their, "small market team is collapsing because they hate each other," rumors elsewhere.

So you know his family ancestry, or what? It seems like an assumption either way, unless he has said that exactly.

Ahem, Carlos Baerga.

Cast iron skillet, bacon fat, fry, splash browned brussels with balsamic, add a few slivered almonds.

I'm surprised this is from Italy and not New Zealand, usually when there's blackface, it's because of a Kiwi.

An unfunny, hyperbolic response from Scott Raab? Why I'm shocked, he seemed like such a reasonable, humorous fellow.

Last year, I went to France. It was a big deal right, Paris. My girlfriend ended up ill, and I ate too much bread, cheese, and wine. I didn't poop for two weeks. When I did, it was a eerie ghost poo. It was shockingly white. I was literally scared shitless, and relieved all at the same time.

Because he was discovered on Youtube, Bieber obviously knows this type of video will be detrimental to his NBA hopes.

In MMA this type of interdisciplinary fighting is encouraged.

I rode the guy ferry in college for a while, but it was just a phase.

Instant coffee ranked in order of instantaneous-ness:

It was a real weird epiphany for six or seven year old me, sitting at the kitchen table, eating Marshmallow Mateys while watching a Lucky Charms commercial on TV.

This is unclear, are the cereals getting more or less delicious as the list progresses? Obviously either way, your mouth is incorrect. But I will assume the most delicious cereals are placed in the middle, and the deliciousness radiates outwards from Cinnamon Toast Crunch. This is the only reasonable explanation that…

Meanwhile in a Burger King parking lot in South Beach, Brian Windhorst is trying to figure out how to turn this story into another piece about how Kyrie Irving should leave Cleveland.