Alyssa Fiorentino needs to go away. I can imagine her penning articles about poking holes in condoms: “Use a quick prick to trick his dick”. Or for returning your worn prom dress “Keep the bag. Hide the tag. And just don’t brag ...’til the cash hits your hand”

If you’re portaging a douchcanoe where exactly is your head?

I’m not much of a pot person. But I am a lox person. When I can’t get belly lox I put salt on my nova.

The lightening round would be amazing though.

Oops. I thought I might have gotten that wrong

You know you’re scary right? But in a good way...

Munchies!!

Can I wear your uterus as a hat to the next anti-CMP rally? That Mori is supposed to be organizing if she would only put down the fucking vape pen.

Right? They’re just making it harder to consider bringing a child in the world. Their world.

(from Frau Von Hatchet)

Do you mind if I help out with that?

I appreciate the alternate view.

If I ever started a band I would call it “Shaved Medieval Lady Parts”. Can you twerk to a lute?

hahaha. The other charges were for covering a hospital bill, so he “loved her up” so good that she needed treatment for “exhaustion”?

“I don’t see men ever trying to bust into our all-girl spas.”

“I said I loved you but I lied”~~~ Michael Bolton

The TL;DR: