For reasons I cannot possibly fathom (lololjk 2002), she loved her some nude fucking stilleto monstrosities and like, maybe that is the secret to her never aging but real talk I would rather look like the crypt keeper than wear those.

THEY ARE FUCKING HORRENDOUS I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE THEY ARE REAL

The look on that bag’s face says it all for me.

In bad Spanish, sure. Good Spanish would be “Alma Mia.” Otherwise it’s MI alma. It’s my mother tongue and what I make my living with as a translator.

WHO THE FUCK WOULD EVER BUY THOSE GD SHOES UNLESS YOU ARE JLO CIRCA 2002 JESUS H CHRIST

I’m not one for hyperbole, but Step- Brothers is the greatest movie of all time.

Amen sister. And men like Conway Twitty & George Strait respected them and weren’t afraid to have songs dripping with emotions. This new wave of bro country makes me sick.

Wash your mouth out. Dolly Parton! Loretta Lynn! Tammy Wynette! The Dixie Chicks! June Carter! Gillian Welch!

That one was even easier than “which 2 guys claim that Wolf of Wall Street is their favorite movie?”

This is why you don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.

I read a really corny note on LinkedIn once, but it kind of resonated with me. You life is juggling a lot of balls at once: work, family, personal, spiritual, health. Work is a rubber ball; if you drop it, it bounces back. The others are glass; if you drop them, they are irrevocably harmed.

Avocadont, you’re the smart one. Don’t ever sync up your phone with your work email. It will drive you crazy. Separate sandboxes are the key to sanity.

See, if I was a dude, I wouldn’t even have said “I don’t have any proof.” I would have been like, “Numerous studies from highly reliable sources have shown that men face less severe consequences than women when they get caught bullshitting at work.” And then someone would have been like, “What studies?” And I would…

I asked my boss if I could leave an hour early once a week to get the kids at daycare, because it was exhausting my husband to deal with it every day.

They were married for 43 years, until my mother died. My father died three years later. April 1st would have been their 50th wedding anniversary.

I choose this as my Mom story:

I aspire to be literally every single detail of this.

My mom is not perfect but she’s fairly wonderful when it comes to momming. My wedding has made her a sometimes-nightmare. So,, this thread is a good reminder that after this, she will be normal again and just as awesome as ever.

She nearly bled to death having me.