AND NOT ONE WORD ABOUT THE REAL BABY NEWS

OMG THAT IS AMAZING I WOULD DIE.

*puts on lifetime-of-catholic-school hat*

KENDALL BETTER BACK THE FUCK OFF MY MAN

I am the supervisor of a private catholic college’s academic center and, while trying to surreptitiously read this comment at work, I basically spit the contents an entire water bottle all over my desk.

AND I AM FLAWED

I AM RIGHT I SWEAR IM RIGHT I SWEAR I KNEW IT ALLLLL ALONG

OMG YAAAAS YASSSSSSS TO EVERY IDIOT COMMENTER WHO KEPT SAYING SHE WAS JUST OVERLINING HER LIPS I AM SINGING DASHBOARD’S VINDICATED AND DANCING AROUND THIS AIRPORT TERMINAL ALSO I AM PROBABLY VERY DRUNK

HAHAHA

Kelly-With-Rage-Hives is my favorite Kelly.

Stanford?

If you like movies about robots who make jokes

Jessica Williams is my dream bff and Jon Stewart is my dream husband (29 year age difference be damned).

i wonder what it’s like to be perfect like jwill

i went to school in wellesley and marathon day was so annoying because i couldn’t LEAVE THE TOWN or else if i had left early I COULDN’T GET BACK TO SCHOOL.

this is peak Cubs game right here

This is why I’m not allowed to time travel

this sentence should be hyperbolic, but it isn’t. it’s just the straight up fucking truth.

The cheesecake and the hot chocolate weren't free if you gave it to them.