I pick only the finest awesome from old vines, then smoke cure it over hickory. Afterwards it's barrel aged in imported oak barrels, before lastly being allowed to marinate in my secret 9-spice blend. Only then will I allow it to meet you, the consumer.

Okay folks, it’s time for another round of “No, That’s Not a Thing.”

One of my friends has a severe gastrointestinal reaction to strawberries. Years ago, his ex-boyfriend decided it was all psychological and started sneaking strawberries into things like morning smoothies to prove my friend wasn’t really allergic. After a few months the boyfriend said “Ha! I’ve been sneaking…

In other words, Tuesday here in Florida.

Tried to stay friends.

Drove to Daytona Beach with a cat in my car and got a tattoo. I just don’t even know how to explain that shit.

The Seattle Times is doing a series on lead poisoning in shooting ranges, and how the workers at said ranges are not only falling ill themselves, but having their children affected as well. Oddly, nowhere was it suggested that the kids brought it on themselves/were evil for demanding a settlement.

Ah ok, thanks Anna!

Maryland Sen Barbara Mikulski is retiring after 2016.

I dunno... seemed relevant...

GTFO for enchanting me with this .gif

Everything is terrible

Bud Light: You Said Yes Last Night and Really Isn’t That All That Matters?

ARGLE BARGLE I CANNOT WAIT TO LISTEN TO THIS BUT IN A SECOND I WILL HAVE SOMEONE ELSE IN MY OFFICE BLARGGGGGG

So much this. You get negative attention — you subconsciously do what you can to become invisible. I wish more people talked about the hidden side of weight gain - and the fear that can come with losing it.

Thou did cause hot tea to flow forth from mine nose.

mostly other women calling her a “dumb bitch” or accusing her of having “bubonic plague,” for some reason

Holy shit, I’ve been so excited for this for ages (Aidan Turner is ridiculously, obscenely attractive). I’m so glad it’s good! And I had no idea that it was made entirely by women, that is absolutely fantastic.

Everyone who has specials should look to Bob for inspiration if they’re going for cutesy naming. Nothing less cuts in now. Especially uggh names.