Why do white bikinis even exist at the price point? I get that they can look stunning on people, but if you wear any kind of body make up, as one might for a photoshoot, it will rub off on the bikini. If you take it to the beach, it will get grubby from the sand and water. A glittering white crystal-studded bikini is…

So...tides are something God must be responsible for because they are just so huge and amazing, they MUST be divinely controlled, but Bill’s career falling apart because of all the shit things he’s done to women, that’s God failing? That’s not also part of God’s plan, that’s just God not having his bro Bill’s back.

When I was a kid and my dad was in and out of the hospital with cancer, one of my aunts would always give us books of inspirational short stories and personal essays that usually figured young people handling cancer with very positive attitudes and plenty of optimism; basically, ppl handling terminal illness better…

“They asked me if I screamed”

OK, but there is no question that Trump thought Puerto Rico was a different country before this disaster right?

Maybe this is just my clumsy ass talking, but it is way easier to roll your ankle in a kitten heel. That stupid stubby little heel does nothing. NOTHING! I’ll take the slow searing pain of a pair of high heels over kitten heels anytime. Well, if nice flats are not an option, and the dress code is all No, you may not…

It looks like an absolute pain in the ass to go to the bathroom in

I bought Serious Winter Boots last year; a big clomping pair of Sorrels that immidiately proved their worth during a big dump of snow. This year I gotta get fancier black winter boots to replace a pair that bit the dust after 10 years of faithful service. I hate spending money on winter gear, but it’s the only way to…

Wooo! Team Baba Yaga!

I’m team Baba Yaga, but damn if I don’t love your Siren ad pitch!

In gritty sexy reboot land the snarky cat will become a love interest who may or may not have Sabrina’s best interests at heart. He can still be snarky I guess, but in a hot and dangerous kind of way.

Like if you accidentally slip and pronounce ‘about’ a little too Canadian. Or the pasta thing.

Canadians also do this! If you’ve got a person with no British accent pronouncing it with a flat a sound, you might have yourself a Canadian! Whenever I pronounce it the American way (pah-sta) I feel like a real twat ;)

Or, get one and you’ve got stories for days!

That turned out exactly how we all thought it would and you know it!

But microwaves heat so unevenly! And I suspect the fuck-a-warm-melon set aren’t exactly big on patience.

Oh no! So purple! Like, too purple.

I mean, usually when making bs excuses for why you didn’t or couldn’t call, you blame your own reception, trump is putting his own personal stamp on it by blaming the President of Mexio’s phone. It’s not my fault I couldn’t call you to express my condolences, it was yours!

Less of a swamp and more of a backyard all flooded with poop water because there is a problem with the septic tank.

They just told everybody when they would be pooping!! How is that better than people just hearing it? I Do not understand people.