The idea of an old ceiling hatch just falling open from age and unleashing a torrent of spiders and shit into my living space is more terrifying to me than creepy attic ghosts tbh

Oh absolutely, no contest

And maybe a small fire

I definitely think the illicit love affair plot will seriously eat into anything about the tulip craze. If I want my tulips to come with ppl making out, I will go to the park in the spring

Right? I can’t help watching the trailers for these and thinking “wealthy/powerful older man, young n’poor hottie, and a woman caught in between?? Welp, I guess we know this thing is going to end tragically”

I was kinda hoping there would be more tulips. Great big sexy fields of tulips. Close ups of bunches of tulips; tulip petals all over the place, but it’s just a few tulips and a lot of people, which you can see in any movie.

We’re all laughing now, but this is exactly the kind of gift someone’s aunt or grandmother would buy for everyone at Christmas or as a going off to college present.

Yes! Like, I know I shouldn’t be surprised at this language and this ideology: woman + age + no children = a waste, and I’m not surprised because of course they think this way; they are filled with contempt for anyone who is not a straight white man, anyone not on board with this is the enemy. It does still sting…

And while we’re taking his phone away, let’s get those nuclear codes in a high cupboard equipped with child locks.

One of the best things about the Internet for me has been discovering I’m not alone in my childhood crush on Fox Robin Hood. My family made me feel like such a weirdo and so embarrassed about that, and then years later I find out its one of the more common Disney crushes and/or we’re all weirdos and there is nothing…

Omg the look on his face is just disgusting! Pos looks like he thinks he’s getting away with something. The nerve of him to sue her because, oh nos! His shitty actions have consequences!

Nothing releases a groping hand quite like a thumbnail digging into bare skin without mercy

That’s the part that really drives me crazy. Some guy in a crowded place takes advantage of the lack of personal space to anonymously grope a woman’s body, and when the woman does something like dig her fingernails into the hand that is doing the groping, or like pull back a finger to release the hand and also show…

Paul Ryan definitely seems like the kind of guy who would make little critical comments about what you’re doing while you’re doing it.

One good thing about having a crush on a cartoon character when you’re a kid is that you will never have to interact with them later on as an adult. Fox Robin Hood will never tweet awkward shit to me about maybe going on a date sometime. That crush can stay in the past where it belongs.

Great! Now all I need is a towel for the rest of me! Between my boobs (basically the whole damn valley) eyebrows, forehead, chin, underarms, the small of my back etc. Just...so much sweat. Mummify me in Terry cloth please, and then leave me in front of a fan or something.

I just want one fucking weekend to go dancing in blood, shit faced on sparkling wine. One weekend where me and some of my friends can half-assedly construct a giant wicker cage to stuff a single frat bro into and then light on fire. I don’t feel like that’s asking too much. I mean, one human life, sure, but we’d pick…

Or those lace...I don’t know... spats? Why!? They are just going to become filthy with sand and look supergross in no time at all. Just fucking go barefoot for fuck’s sake!

Yes! This!! He should be doing direct to DVD movies or something. Give roles to anyone else. Any other actor is a better and more interesting choice.

Kind of a specific burn to Ann Taylor. Fuck you Ann Taylor, I’m gonna get you in the next thing I write!