Nooooooooo! NOT Kitchenette!!!

Kristen Bell:

I went to go see Tarzan in theatres. It was my first movie theatre experience and I was like, three. Phil Collins started singing You’ll Be In My Heart, and I started crying and stood up in my high chair-clad seat and yelled, “A gorilla will never be in my heart! Jesus is the only thing in my heart!”

A friend of mine once said that where my bones are supposed to be, there's only tears.

I am a crier. I cry ALL the time. If someone is even somewhat mean to me I will immediately tear up. I also cry if I get angry or frustrated.

1. I was in college and making tuna melts for my roommates and me. I burned the shit out of them and burst out crying and scrunched up on the floor because I was a failure. My one roommate gave me a hug while the other stayed far away (she is not a hugger).

During a JOB INTERVIEW.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?

I thought these were onions at first.

I really like Ashley but I’m fat and sensitive to bullying so I couldn’t help but rally for her. So many times it just felt like the other designers were counting her out because they didn’t like the way she looked. I hope she makes it big since we chubs need more beautiful plus size clothes.

This is Ashley’s dress I think? I love it but I’m not sure why it’s below the blurb about Edmund

I would have thought Colonel Sanders would be a breast man.

This is only tangentially a food story, but it ends up in a Starbucks, so there you go.

When I was about 12 or 13, I decided I was never getting married. Because on your wedding day, everyone will look at you and know you’re going to have sex right after and that would be SO EMBARRASSING.

I was raised on a horse ranch and one day when I was 4 or 5 I was walking with my mom when I saw two horses having sex. I asked my mom what they were doing. She said, “Shit. I thought I told you. I guess it was your sister I told when she was younger.” She gave me a very detailed explanation of what sex is and only to…

I had the book Where Did I Come From? So I kind of had an understanding of the mechanics of sex. From the same authors, we also had the one about puberty, complete with drawings of acne as spouting oil wells and some poor bastard on a diving board with an erection.

As a child, I knew nothing about sex except that’s how the man fertilized the egg. At the time, my dad would use a seed spreader every year to fertilize the lawn. When my mom told me she was pregnant because my dad fertilized her eggs, I thought he took her out to the yard and drove over her with the seed spreader…

When I was 4 and my friend was 5, I remember her asking me if I knew how babies were made. Of COURSE I replied smugly. Then she asked if I knew what sex was if I knew SO much. I did not.

when my parents told me about sex and they said “the man puts his penis into the woman’s vagina” i assumed the penis was disconnected and inserted. Like broken off and shoved in. i cried and cried and cried for hours and hours and my parents couldn’t figure out why i was so upset until i was able to get out, between…

When I was really young the only thing I knew about “sex” was that it involved something that one gender had and the other didn’t. Not knowing what was going on downstairs for girls the only obvious difference I could see was that women had breasts and men did not. So my first idea on how sex worked involved a man and…