Yeah I got two. Two produce enough poop and pee for me, thanks.

Sorry your heart is too cold and dead to appreciate the cuteness of kitties’ jelly bean toes.

Hello NASA? I’m thinking of a certain kid in Irving, Texas who you definitely want to have intern with you next summer.

That poor fucking kid. He must’ve been so proud of what he made and to have his efforts met with such racist suspicion is heartbreaking. He sounds like a great student and every teacher involved in this mess should be thoroughly ashamed.

I was working at a margarita bar on the water, so winter was slow. We relied on our regulars, a few of which were a group of late twenties bro dudes who would come in for nachos and fish bowl sized margaritas. They were generally ok, except they LOVED to flirt with all of the female staff, despite none of us being…

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

I've been looking for an alligator and party hat restaurant for AGES. Now I know where to find one!

Screw this girl, I got to clean a few people off my Facebook who posted this garbage :) I love a good excuse to clean house.

I’ve never seen a more accurate depiction of an ovarian cyst.

Really?! I think Ellen would be a great president.

okay but wait

I think you’re confused. I’m 99% sure that he didn’t beat her up because she gave the baby vodka. He beat her up because he’s an abusive drunk that was pissed off because he couldn’t drink his vodka that he had put in a WATER bottle probably so he could drink it at work.

Oh that’s an easy one. High School students.

Yep, a trick used to camoflage drinking at work, drinking and driving, and the much more innocent smuggling booze into a concert, sporting event, or movie.

Remember when Jude Law’s baby accidentally dropped ecstasy—way back, in the days before it was called molly?

FIFY...

According to local news the baby is expected to be fine.

The complaint said he continued to yell at her, threw a bottle at her, pushed her and grabbed her by the neck so hard she was unable to speak.

The complaint said he continued to yell at her, threw a bottle at her, pushed her and grabbed her by the neck so hard she was unable to speak.