Local cat is all “I brought the kid dead mice, why is nobody giving me accolades for trying to feed him solids? He’s two! He can handle it!”

Shades of Romulus and Remus.

I hope someone adopts both the child and the dog. Poor baby, I can’t believe the mother wasn’t arrested. What a good dog. Probably was just like “No ones gonna feed this human puppy? You should be ashamed of yourselves” lays down to feed the human puppy.

Once again, dogs are better than humans.

If a boy had grown a full beard at my high school, I’m pretty sure my vagina would have leapt off my body, crawled over and attached itself right to his face.

Consensually, of course. A consensual vagina attack.

We just finished our third week of school (I’m a teacher in NE Ohio!) But anyway, my back-to-school story is from my first day of kindergarten, lo these many years ago. I already knew how to read and write and apparently I wanted to show the teacher my best stuff. According to my parents (I personally have no memory…

This one doesn’t really count because I was not a child when it happened, nor was it the first day of school. But it does kind of fit.

Um, hot.

I’m breaking the rules like everyone else because this wasn’t the first day of school but it still haunts me. In 2nd grade I had to keep snacks in my desk because I’m diabetic and would have to eat during class (sounds great but it felt so terrible to draw attention to myself and i’m so glad i’m not in school anymore…

OMG that’s horrible. But I also kind of love it and think what you said is awesome.

In between my Grade 11 and Grade 12 year I grew a beard. And not a whispy, high school kid Van Dyke. I’m talking about full-on Grizzly Adams. To top it off I spent most of the Summer very far from home and so the first day of school, well, it was pretty exciting.

Sweet lesbian Jesus, do I have a story for you!

I was one of those ugly ducking girls for most of my hellish high school career but I did one of those stunning catch-up deals over summer between senior year and first year of community college. Learned to walk in heels, made a bunch of new friends (who were largely very attractive men also planning to attend the…

My first day of grade 8 I was determined to impress a boy who had never expressed any interest in me whatsoever, but hey. I had fixed up my makeup just so and spent half the morning with a waving iron on my hair. Finally, I was all decked out in my acid wash best- a whole skirt suit complete with peplum that it’d…

I was nine or ten. We moved from NYC to Arizona in December. I tested into the grade above mine. I also got braces, glasses and a truly godawful haircut. All before school started back up.

On my first day of Kindergarten our teacher was singing “Do Your Ears Hang Low” and I said “No, that’s not how it goes! It’s do your BOOBS hang low!” Only later when I told my mom and she laughed did I realize that she had taught me the wrong version. She loves to tell this story to anyone who will listen.

Summer of ‘94 we had just moved to a new town and I was staring the fifth grade in a new school. The day before school started, I was playing with one of those little rubber poppy toys - the ones that are half circles that you flip inside out and then wait for it to flip itself back, thus launching it into the air.

I started kindergarten 2 weeks late because my birthday is 2 weeks after the cut off, but my mom wanted me out of the God damned house so she didn’t have to keep paying so much for daycare. So I start kindergarten as the new kid, and because I’m new, my teacher lets me hand out work sheets to everyone in class…

I transformed myself so much (not really, just a new hairstyle and a tan from being outside on the lake all summer) in 7th grade that a kid in my homeroom that I’d known since 4th grade didn’t recognize me. I wondered why he was being so nice to me, as previously he was kind of a dick. Turns out he thought I was some…

Girls are vicious as hell.