After that horrible Daredevil movie they made, they should be forced to stay together forever. Or at least until I can forget that I ever saw it.

I suspect it may have had more to do with the difficulties of being a disenfranchised felon in a society that makes it pretty hard to perform reformation — on top of being incarcerated since childhood.

You could put “lists of things trying to kill you in Australia” under the latter. At least it’s trying to help.

*moves pizza from “Things In Australia Not Trying To Kill You” list to “Things In Australia Trying To Kill You” list*

It took me way too long to realize you didn’t mean that the brother had just gotten a job at Marshall’s. I was like, “Who throws a fucking party for that?”

And now I’ll tell you all about me, because I have a (somewhat) similar story. Since my younger sister and I were little, everything in our family has been about her. The question “How will Amy’s Younger Sister feel about this?” runs through my mom’s mind I’d guess at least once a day, even though we’re now in our…

True story: some guest’s +1 did this at my cousin’s wedding; it was basically a wedding dress if you married (hah) a little black dress and a wedding dress. Office printer paper white and more lace than the actual bride’s dress—justified, of course, by the fact that the +1 had been married 5 months ago and considered…

The good thing about Ursula is that you could come up with all kinds of stories about why you chose that name, depending on your audience

My sister has been a thunder-stealer for both of her weddings, but not like this. She’s more of the “elope a week or so before my brother gets married!” And “get married a month after our mom gets married!” Kind of person. However, if this marriage doesn’t work out I am NOT getting married because she’ll certainly be…

Oh no. Just no. If my day was already ruined by this kind of asshattery, I’m afraid my Emily Post manners would go straight into the shitter over this. That friendship would certainly be over too.

Christ, that’s bad. My aunt’s MIL wore head to toe BLACK (with a lace face cover on her hat) and told everyone that she was in mourning for her only son throughout the wedding. That was fun!

I was married on a Saturday, flew across the country for my honeymoon on the following Monday. My dad, his fiance, my siblings, and my dad’s siblings all rented a vacation house on an island in our homestate for the rest of the week - fun for them, fun for me. Wednesday night my dad called me to inform me that on…

He should have went all the way and just got married right then. I mean, everything was already in place and you’re already an asshole. All kinds of money saved.

It is sad that this needed to be written. But, THANK YOU.

Every single story about these guys. Every single story.

Two five year olds looking at each other’s wee wees are “Playing Doctor”. A 15 year old adolescent molesting a five year old is not. Never mind that there were multiple victims, multiple occasions over several years, and often the victims were originally asleep, so they weren’t ‘playing’ anything.

You left out the best part of Michael Seewald’s disgusting diatribe:

Basically spot on except that it happened at 2 PM.

Somehow, I’m now just imagining you sitting at a computer in the wee hours of the morning, only by the light of the screen, with tabs on tabs of food porn, just cackling uncontrollably. The kind of uncontrollable cackle that is usually reserved for the villains of cheesy movies or kids TV shows.