I’ll add this to the “owns a suit” competency: Knows at least one way to tie a tie.

ABBA counts double.

-clips his toenails in the bathroom over a garbage can.

Nick Offerman is my spirit animal.

You are absolutely doing this right. I would like to add to this; “Grows new hair and fingernails to replace older versions”. I think that’s so fucking hot.

Notices when you vomit loudly out the car window.

Sex position where you cling to the other person like a barnacle.

45. Writes self serving humblebrag posts on Jezebel and shows wife all the stars he got because he’s an awesome feminist.

Breathes and blinks without even trying hard.

I kind of want to unpack what she said. That she said it at all suggests to me that she was not taking YOU seriously, which is antithetical to her stated position that her generation fought (won?) the battle.

Not really a dick move but still...

It's 25:17

Oh man, Comic Con is awesome for meeting people. My brother got Mark Hamil’s autograph, and he was awesome. Now, I’m under the impression that Mr. Hamil is courteous to all of his fans when they come up with Star Wars paraphernalia for him to sign. My brother brought his DVDs of Batman: The Animated Series, for which…

This was my grandpa, many many years ago.

Woody Harrelson stayed at Horst Rechelbacher’s (Aveda) place while he was filming A Prairie Home Companion, and I was reliably told he attempted to get Horst to invest in the Volcano vaporizer (didn’t work). Also had really good shit.

My child—age 18 months-ish—accosted Justin Hartley (Green Arrow/Oliver Queen from Smallville at that time of this story) in the host hotel lobby at SDCC. He was awesome.

NO! Seems perfect for the Red Dragon. I love it. And you have reminded me that I once saw Woody Harrelson get kicked out of the CC Club, because he wouldn’t wear shoes. The bouncer was like “I don’t give a fuck if you are Woody Harrelson, you have to wear shoes, DICK!” And another time Lindsay Lohan was bounced from…

I plan to use WHY YOU COMIN AT ME WITH DEM PORK-ASS HANDS at the first available opportunity, and as often as possible thereafter.

My best worst story isn’t that great. I used to work at a stage venue, and Zach Braff came once, and put his feet up on my stage manager’s desk. I had to lean over him to do the “Show Starting” light cue. And on his shoes was written “Zach” on the left shoe and “Braff” on the right. Like he’d forget his own name.

These stories run the gamut from hilarious to downright horrifying. Still, if I got the Ezekiel 25:13 speech from Sam Jackson it’d be like the sun on my heart for a thousand years.