Could be worse. My friend's own Barbie had dibs on her Ken, so when I came over, my borrowed Barbie was expected to get friendly with the girl's frightening Michael Jackson doll. She declined and politely knocked on the Dream House door to attempt a threesome with the others, which for some reason crossed the line and…

ToyTalk has said parents can opt to receive daily or weekly e-mails that allow them to access the audio files of their child's conversations with Hello Barbie.

I'm pretty sure those tits are capable of blocking electromagnetic fields.

Oh I was worried about it invading kids' privacy by transmitting their private thoughts on the internet, but as long as it's not used for marketing or publicity my concerns are totally assuaged.

What is with these women? They all look fucking gorgeous without makeup. It's not fair.

Thanks, Oprah, for inflicting Dr. Phil on our national culture.

It's seriously one of my favorite stories now but it was SO TRAUMATIZING back then, that woman was evil incarnate. She had to be new at it or under some sort of sales quota that she was close to missing, or maybe she was just the worst person ever? I remember I had sparkly emerald green eyeshadow up to my eyebrow. On…

HAHAHA That is horrific. Are they allowed to do that?! What a dick move. I can't even fathom.

Best (by which I mean worst) experience ever, I was maybe 16 or 17 and wanted a new eyeshadow. I forget what counter I went to but the woman basically did half of my face, full-on club makeup and then refused to do the other half unless I bought something. I really didn't want the $20+ eyeshadow she was pushing so I…

Mall Makeovers is quickly becoming my favorite series on this blog. I love it!

Despite not thinking of myself as "a makeup person," I don't leave the house without it. I have very mixed feelings about that. My complexion is worse than the above "before" pictures though.

i also religiously wear a full face and i thought it was weird to encounter an article full of women who never wear it

I came down here to say EXACTLY this! She totally totally does.

I wear makeup every day (not schlubby at home days, obvs) and I did not previously believe myself to be unusual in that, and yet somehow this whole series has been populated by women who wear almost no makeup on the regular. I feel like I must be a unicorn. But since I had no idea that I was alone in makeup wearing,…

I kept thinking "Who does Whitney look like, she looks familiar" then when she brought up Uma, I was like duh, she looks like Uma.

"Marsha and I always planned to have five children..."

I saw a guy once who just had his whole arm tattooed with black ink to hide an old sleeve.

-ets, -ets, -ets, eh, eh, eh, eh eh.

#NoRaegrets