That was the most square adventure ever. You're adorable!

The guy I dated in high school/early college had a sister who was about 10 years older, and had gotten whoopsie pregnant with a jerkweed she was just screwing around with and not intending to have a serious relationship with. Their folks were hard core fundie Christian, and so their dad had a nice talk with that young…

Or she has a pool going among her friends who also raised teenage daughters as to how long you'll keep it up.

All good bookstores must have a shop cat.

I used to work at a strip club in Dupont Circle D.C. that was a block away from the utterly fantastic Kramerbooks & Afterwords, a 24 hour bookstore and cafe.

Everyone in my high school thought I was on drugs. Because a girl with short dyed black hair who wore black pants, black boots, white shirts and vintage suit jackets was a really unusual sight back then. The reality was that I wasn't the slightest bit interested in drugs. My metalhead friend, on the other hand, got…

Here's the biggest lie/deception that I ever perpetuated on my parents ...

We all knew that. You're a guinea pig

There's no limit to how many times you can or should write "orgasm." :)

If lying to kids counts, I told my eight-year-old niece this Christmas that her mother wasn't calling her inside from playing in the snow to be mean, but because we knew that the Frost Giants roamed at night, looking for lost children to take away to their icy kingdom to be their slaves, and the children would never…

My last semester of college I was pretty much checked out(weren't we all). I had this Roma Studies class that had a very simple 5 page final paper that I just could. not. get. into. The teacher was very lax (as in gave us a VHS tape and left for 2 weeks to judge a music contest in Russia without the school's…

technically, this wasn't a lie, more of a deception, but here goes. I was born in another country but went to university in Australia. Because I didn't have permanent residency status, I was on a student visa, I was only allowed to work 20 hours a week. My classes started, and I was desperate to find a job. My savings…

I was admitted to grad school in a city I had never visited before. All summer, I bugged the housing department mercilessly to get into graduate student housing, because I was afraid to try to find an apartment in an unfamiliar city by myself. Graduate housing was extremely limited. This involved a tremendous amount…

Oh, man. This won't be funny, I apologize.

Worked at a summer camp for three years, and one of the games the staff would play would be to see who could come up with the most ridiculous lie the campers would believe. Yeah, yeah, lying to kids is like shooting fish in a barrel, but it was still fun.

One time, I was walking with a group of campers back to their…

I eloped when I was 19 to a boyfriend I had only dated a month. I didn't tell my parents and just said we were moving in together. A month later I deeply regretted it and filed for divorce. It took two years to finalize and I had already started dating my now husband during that period. I didn't tell any of my friends…

That's a heavy one to have to carry with you. I'm sorry.

While I agree that most often times honesty is the best policy, fuck that guy for calling you damaged goods.

"No, mom and dad, I do not know who broke into the Jehovah's Witness church and vandalized it- but it certainly wasn't me and my friends!"

This is quite sad, and involves the death of a family member, so please skip if you come to Pissing Contest for a laugh, like I do.