My partner and I told everyone that our child was an accident when in actuality, he was totally planned. For some reason, we knew that would sit better with everyone, from our super liberal anti-breeder friends, to his conservative parents who hate me and would fall over dead if they ever knew that we, being young and…

Ah. That's as good as when you suddenly really get bad cramps and then feel the slow ooze and you know...YOU KNOW what's happening...but you're in a meeting or something and you can't do anything about it.

I just sneezed and got a fun panty favor

as someone who was just the victim of a surprise period attack ...

I really needed this BCO SO BADLY.

Really? Someone listed huitlacoche as their weirdest? It's just a mushroom that grows on corn. It's not even on my top five weirdest. It also tastes great in an omelet, but that's another story.

Ok, so obviously so many of these stories will easily trump mine. But I once fainted in graduate school while attempting to eat pickled pig feet. Like I went to take a bite on a dare from a friend I was staying with and just fell the fuck out. I couldn't handle it. To this day, I still get the dry heaves when I see…

Half a fly. The grossest thing I ever ate was half a fly that got trapped between the burger my dad had just grilled for me and the burger bun.

I am a pescatarian, which is an obnoxious word for what I think is a pretty sensible eating restriction. I feel like farmed marine animals get fuller lives than their land counterparts, and fish is delicious even if I end up with mercury poisoning. My folks eat the same way, so when we were in Japan, they made our…

When I was about 15 I ate three and one half moldy Jimmy Dean sausage biscuits fresh out of the box/microwave that I greedily gobbled while watching TV without paying attention to what I was eating. It was the earthy taste of the last one that finally caught my attention: it was covered with huge, furry patches of…

Cow fetus

There's a restaurant down the street called Olivia's that is known for its lamb fries which "are actually crispy lamb testicles served with aioli." They have a resistance while chewing that can only be described as feeling exactly like you'd think a ball would chew like, which is slightly unsettling.

Durian fruit. It really does smell like decomposing flesh and human shit. The taste and texture is like a rotten fermented melon- sweet and slimy.

I went through several weird episodes in teens/ early twenties when I would eat the same sort of thing exclusively for weeks at a time. While this pales in comparison to all the bugs and organ meats and crap like that, I do find it pretty revolting that I spent a little over a week refusing to eat anything except…

My wife is constantly leaving stuff in books and then forgetting where they are. Money, Post-It notes, receipts-whatever she can stick between the pages of a book, you better believe that she will.

Tilda Swinton and Lupita Nyong'o play the star-crossed lovers. Tom Hiddleston is their guardian angel trying to bring them back together. Nic Cage is the demon trying to keep them apart. Jim Varney is the folksy bookstore employee who finds the letter. Benedict Cumberbatch is Tilda's asexual, aloof older brother. …

When I was in 3rd grade, I had a snack size bag of Doritos. Halfway through the back, i bit down on something wet and entirely unlike a Dorito. It was in the middle of a movie in a pitch black classroom. I was horrified. I threw the bag away and was never able to examine the wet lumpy whatever-the-fuck I had bitten…

Hot sauce made with fire ants. It sat on the table in a tropical exploration camp in a Jack Daniels bottle, and was never refrigerated. It was vinegar and crushed fire ants with little legs and such floating in it. It was "salsa de dos picas". You paid dearly the next day at the lateine.

I met Joan Rivers when I was working on a show in Scotland for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, where she also had a show. She came and saw the show I was working on and wanted to come backstage to meet the actresses. She introduced herself and was probably the most polite and friendly celebrity I've ever met.