I've crushed on her since the Craft. Hell, I used her as a model for dressing myself. Yes please. :)

On Gawker, someone suggested Fairuza Balk and that's fucking perfect for me.

I see Desire from Sandman (huge compliment for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about.)

I see no reason that a food fight wedding need be limited to children. I'll wreck a kid with some mashed potatoes.

I've noticed that all of my friends are those kinds of parents too. Sigh.

I'm in the no-kids camp because, frankly, most parents of young kids I know (so, you know, my friends) are absolutely terrible about controlling their children and monitoring their behavior in public. At my brother's wedding, there were only a couple children, including flower girl and ring bearer, neither of whom I…

I was a flower girl when I was 2 for my babysitter's daughter. They were terrified I was going to get stage fright and refuse to walk down the aisle. Before we started, someone put a little piece of tape on the altar so I would know where to stand. When the time came, I skipped down the aisle, dutifully found my piece…

Quick story that, I guess, shows why I love having kids at weddings and why it's probably a bad idea. A fraternity brother's wedding where it was very heavy on your readings and vows and in the middle of it all this kid, who at most was five years old, says very loudly "THIS IS SO FREAKING BORING" and then gets…

ALTERNATIVE: CHILD ONLY WEDDING

i was a fuckin excellent flower girl

Sure you can! You just have to lose any sentimentality about the process. Stop thinking of them as children and look at them as adult guests, for planning purposes. Like, each kid at the wedding is another a chair you're renting and plate you're serving. You've got a headcount and budget to work with, and you can't…

Here's the problem we're running into: there is one kid, my fiancee's goddaughter, who absolutely positively has to be at the wedding, and another two (a cousin from each of us) who we really want there. We can't really have them but tell other people no kids allowed, which is frustrating as hell.

unless you want her to survive a plane crash, light a stick on fire from the crash to guide her to the nearest house to track down help, LIKE A BOSS.

I bought a VS bikini that said moderate back coverage. Sure. If by moderate they mean none. It's so pretty but I can't even wear it because all of my butt hangs out. I've also had a couple of bikini bottoms reveal everything up to and including my cervix in the front when they get wet. I'm going to start swimming in a…

Life motto: curse like a sailor but don't name your kids Sailor

What if you get baked while on your period???

You go right to hell.

I feel you.

This all looks really uncomfortable. I think swimwear in general is going downhill. A couple of times in the recent past, I've accidentally bought swimwear that was see-through because clothing makers are trying to save money by selling stuff that's unlined or not lined enough. One of these instances involved a…

You'd think we'd be sick of all this. You'd think. But no.